What To Do After a Child’s Autism Diagnosis

In a child’s life, parents anticipate a familiar series of milestones. Receiving an autism diagnosis can be unexpected and overwhelming, but it does not change who a child is; rather, it begins a new chapter in their story.

Moving forward in this new chapter can mean finding answers and identifying needs, bringing a long-awaited sense of relief for many parents. While every family’s story is unique, taking practical steps after an autism diagnosis can benefit a child and support the way they learn and experience the world.

The Boyd children (from left), Sidney, Lydia, Archer and Joel, with parents Leah and Robert. Finding community for Archer, who was diagnosed with autism at age 5, has been important to his family

Take a Breath and Process

For Leah Boyd, her son Archer’s autism and ADHD diagnoses at age 5 brought clarity. Now 12, Archer showed some developmental differences from his peers early on, particularly in speech.

“We were not shocked at all when we received Archer’s diagnosis,” Boyd says. “There was some sadness behind it, but also I think we were just happy to finally have some answers to help him.”

At first, Archer’s possible limitations and needs seemed overwhelming, but Boyd says meeting and coordinating with Archer’s pediatrician was an essential first step, and resources were provided as a launching pad for her son’s growth.

“I did a lot of reading about what the diagnosis meant from psychologists, but the most helpful ones were written by parents and their journey through everything,” Boyd says. “I think that thinking of it as not a limitation but just a new start helps. It is discouraging at the beginning, but just like any other child, you don’t know what they’re capable of, and a diagnosis might be a label but it’s not a restriction.”

Shevaun Etier, executive director of Town & Country School

Shevaun Etier is the executive director of Town & Country School in Tulsa, whose mission is “to improve the lives of students with learning differences by providing a nurturing environment tailored to their academic, social and personal growth.” Her advice on processing this new beginning is to meet a child where they are.

“Taking some time to reflect on what that looks like for their family, self-care time, and recognizing what that means for their child is important,” she says. “Once they understand this, they need to learn to advocate for them.”

Taking time to process the diagnosis and understanding that not everything needs to be figured out at once can help parents stay grounded. A child with autism is the same child they were before their diagnosis.

“I think when parents first learn their child is autistic, feelings that hit are sadness or grief, but it’s not the end of the world,” Etier says. “Their child can do wonderful things.”

Build Community and Support

Identifying allies and team members for a family’s support system is crucial. Seeking out lived experiences from the autistic community through books, blogs and articles by autistic individuals can offer insight and perspective. Finding local connections, such as support groups focused on acceptance, can provide encouragement and shared resources.

“The community you have is very helpful,” Boyd says. “I think that parenting is hard enough to begin with — adding special needs on top of that can feel overwhelming. We have found connections and community by talking with others and sharing our experiences. We have been open to asking for help and recommendations as we needed them. There are increasing opportunities for connection in our greater Tulsa community. More specifically, and most recently, Archer joined a theater group (Stars on Stage) where we have met a lot of parents of special needs children. We have also found many wonderful people who want to help and be a part of our children’s lives. As more people learn and experience children of differing abilities, the world is slowly becoming a much more accepting place.”

Just as important is making sure children with autism feel accepted.

“Kids with autism want to make friends, too,” says Dr. Tara Buck, M.D., associate professor and program director of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Oklahoma School of Community Medicine. “Sometimes they are a little more aware that it’s really hard to make friends, or they may have some social skill delays where it’s harder for them to navigate conflict or differences in interests.”

Buck recommends building a team with family, friends and professionals to support the child and the parents’ efforts.

“Every kid or adult with autism is unique; they’re wired differently, and their needs are different. I encourage families to step back and work with someone, whether it’s their pediatrician, child psychiatrist, therapist or educator, and say, who do we need to involve on our team right now?” Buck says.

Inclusivity is key.

“How can we take that unique wiring and have that serve the community in a fabulous way?” Buck asks. “Let’s look at how we can pull from that and help guide a path where a person is going to be as independent as possible, doing things they enjoy and giving back to the community in a meaningful way. They have something to contribute. We learn from them, and they learn from us.”

Partnering with the child’s school can initiate a collaborative conversation with teachers to ensure adjustments needed for the child to thrive. There are many resources available to help parents navigate life with a neurodivergent child. Working with a support team can help families identify and use the resources that best meet their child’s needs.

Photo courtesy Town & Country School

Embrace the Journey

Stepping into this new chapter requires patience, peace and persistence. A diagnosis of autism provides a map for better understanding a child and their unique way of experiencing the world. There is a profound peace in letting go of expectations and celebrating the child as they are—with their vibrant perspectives and individual strengths. Discovering a child’s most authentic self is just the beginning of a magnificent new story and an amazing adventure.

Parent Resources

• Oklahoma Autism Network: okautism.org
• Autism Foundation Oklahoma (AFO): autismfoundationok.org
• Sooner Success: soonersuccess.ouhsc.edu/Resources/Online-Resources
• Oklahoma Autism Center: autismcenterok.org
• The Arc of Oklahoma: thearcok.org
• Autism Speaks: autismspeaks.org

Macy Goodnight is a freelance writer and photographer from Broken Arrow. She loves spending time with her family and friends, and has an interest in studying history, gardening, hiking and traveling.