How Parents Can Manage Holiday Stress

November seems to kick off a season filled with holiday plans, family gatherings and what can feel like ever-growing to-do lists. This time can also bring added pressure to make everything look and feel perfect. That’s why it’s so important to have a few tools to protect your mental health during the busy holiday season so you can take a breath and truly enjoy your family and all that the season has to offer.

Jennifer Aycock and Christa Spanich, co-founders of Mindful Psychiatry & Wellness of Tulsa, each brings more than 20 years of experience in mental health care, along with her own perspective as a mother. They encourage families to slow down, reconsider traditions and focus on being present for the people you love.

TK: Why can the holidays feel stressful, even when we’re looking forward to them?

Jennifer: First, it’s important to acknowledge and normalize that the holidays can be stressful for everyone. Kids are out of school, routines are disrupted, family may be visiting, and social engagements and work events seem to fill the calendar. Everything can feel a little more chaotic than usual.

Christa: There’s also pressure, including through social media, for the holidays to be absolutely perfect. They’re not going to be. Releasing ourselves from that pressure is important.

TK: What can parents do to make the season more meaningful and less overwhelming?

Jennifer: Choose presence over perfection. Your kids aren’t going to remember whether the table was set perfectly or the turkey came out just right. They’ll remember you being present, playing with them, laughing together and the little moments that made the holiday special. In fact, the holiday “bloopers” are often the stories we remember for years.

Christa: One of my bloopers occurred one Christmas when I mislabeled gifts and put the wrong names on them. When people opened them, they had to trade gifts! We still talk about that. Sitting down with our kids and creating memories matters more than putting pressure on ourselves to get everything right.

TK: Can you share your perspective on keeping up with holiday traditions?

Jennifer: I think it’s important to remember holiday traditions are meant to bring connection and joy, not become another source of stress. It’s OK if your traditions look a little different this year, or if you decide to let go of something that no longer works for your family.

Christa: Yes. We can feel obligated because it’s something that we’ve always done every holiday. But if those traditions are no longer bringing your family joy (or you), it’s OK to say no or take a break that year. I’ve felt guilty about skipping things we’ve always done, but if an activity has become a stressor and the family isn’t enjoying it, you should reconsider it.

TK: What are some fun holiday traditions or activities that can help families connect, have fun and support their overall well-being?

Jennifer: Some of the best holiday traditions are those that get everyone together and away from the usual distractions. Taking a walk together after the holiday meal, playing a favorite board game, baking together or watching a classic holiday movie together create simple opportunities to connect. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention cheering on your favorite football team together.

My favorite tradition is going out with my kids, just after Thanksgiving, and having each of us pick an ornament for the Christmas tree. Then, when we decorate the tree, we open the old ornaments and remember why we chose each one. It’s simple, but it brings back so many memories.

Getting outside and moving together can be good for everyone’s well-being. In Tulsa, families can participate in the Turkey Trot together. It’s a fun way to be active, get some fresh air and start the holiday with a shared family experience.

Christa: Volunteering together as a family through local outreach opportunities, making or delivering cards to nursing home residents, or adopting a family in need and shopping for them together can foster gratitude, empathy and connection.

Consider experience-based gifts and traditions that focus on time together rather than material items. Activities such as hiking Turkey Mountain, visiting the zoo, attending a holiday event or exploring local attractions can create meaningful memories while reducing the stress and financial pressure that often accompany the season.

TK: How can families recognize when holiday stress is more than just regular stress and may need additional support?

Jennifer: Some stress is normal during the holidays, but it’s also important to notice when things may be becoming more than just typical stress. If you’re experiencing increasing anxiety or irritability, difficulty sleeping, low energy, or you’re losing interest in the things you normally enjoy, those can be signs that it’s time to slow down and reach out for support. For kids and teens, relationships with peers are so important. If you notice they are becoming more withdrawn, isolating, or no longer wanting to socialize and participate in activities, that can also be a sign they may need some extra support.

Christa: It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, so pay attention to those subtle changes. Withdrawing from peers, avoiding things or noticing that relationships at work or home are being affected can be reasons to make an appointment for support, whether that’s therapy or medication management.

TK: We often hear “put your own oxygen mask on first.” What does that look like for mothers during the holidays?

Jennifer: Start by asking what boundaries you can put in place to protect your mental health and your peace. Boundaries are like a fence around you to protect you, not isolate you. If your schedule feels overwhelming, it’s OK to say no.

Christa: Protect your routines as much as you can, including exercise, nutrition and sleep. It’s hard during the holidays, but those things matter. Put boundaries in place ahead of time, and if that’s not enough, reach out for support. As moms, we sometimes push ourselves too far, telling ourselves, “I’ve got this.” It’s OK to say, “I don’t.”

TK: How are you extending your support beyond your practice?

Jennifer: We knew when we decided to leave community mental health to start our own practice, we wanted to find ways to continue supporting the community. Our first Women Supporting Women campaign benefited Tulsa Period Pantry through a feminine hygiene product drive. Because when someone’s basic needs aren’t being met, it’s difficult to focus on their mental health and well-being.

Learn more

Watch the full interview to learn what their kids shared with them about opening this practice on the Sharing Passion and Purpose Podcast; available on your favorite podcasting platform or directly at NancyMoore.co.

Learn more at mindfulpsychiatrytulsa.com or on Instagram @mindful.psych.tulsa

Nancy A. Moore is an adjunct professor at Tulsa Community College and has been a writer for TulsaKids for more than 20 years. Her podcast, Sharing Passion and Purpose, can be found on most podcasting platforms or on NancyMoore.co.