Is It OK To Be A Boring Grandparent?

I have so many exciting friends on social media, and I love following their adventures. I enjoy seeing the posts of my friends taking their grandchildren on cruises, to Disney World, and on international trips. I love that they’re having those experiences, but it does plant a small seed of insecurity in me. I’m not the exciting, jet-setting grandparent who can provide travel and first-class adventures for my grandchildren. Am I inadequate, or is it OK to be a boring grandparent?

I see my grandkids often because we live just blocks apart. There are lots of unplanned get-togethers, family dinners, and the occasional babysitting gig. However, the one consistent plan is Saturday night sleepovers. Sometimes, as I’m getting ready for them to arrive for the night, I start thinking I should plan something. They’re getting older, and their needs are changing. On those days, I dig through the arts-and-crafts cabinet and the game shelf and quickly plan a few activities. They’re always happy to do the activities I plan, even when it’s the same lava lamp experiment we’ve done five times before. However, I’ve found they are just as happy when there are no plans, and we do simple things like jumping on the trampoline, playing baseball or tetherball, swinging, and playing Hide and Seek.

In the past, I’ve asked if they want to go somewhere and even had a list of suggestions. The answer is always no. They would rather just hang out at our house. I’ve wondered why they want to spend time with a couple of old, boring people, but then I look at it from their perspective. We are part of a routine that they’ve come to expect, and there is comfort in that. Our house is like their second home, complete with a bedroom for them, toys, and clothes. We’re the slow-down-and-relax place in a world that is often rushed and full of expectations. We have the time to give them our undivided attention and unconditional love. Our grandson wants to tell us corny jokes?  We’ll laugh and think he is the most clever kid in town. Does our granddaughter want to perform a song-and-dance routine for us? We clap loudly, and we’re sure she’s ready for Broadway. Kids sense when someone adores and believes in them.

When I remember the grandparent I was closest to, I know it was not because of anywhere she took me or anything she gave me. She lived in an old farmhouse on the edge of a town with a population of 152. My grandmother greeted us like we were royalty, showering us with hugs and exclamations of joy as we climbed out of the packed car after a long drive. The only place we went when we visited her was the general store a few blocks away. When we pushed open the screen door of the old store, we were always greeted by the owner saying, “You must be the Coopers’ grandchildren. They told us you were coming for a visit.” Sometimes our visits even made it into the local weekly paper, making us feel like celebrities. I didn’t get to see those grandparents very often due to how far away they lived, but my grandmother kept our relationship strong by writing frequent letters from the time I was seven until her death when I was 28.  She was a source of stability I could always count on, and I knew without a doubt that I was loved.

Grandparenting isn’t a competition. There are all kinds of grandparenting styles, some determined by personality, some by finances, some by geography, some by the grandparents’ age and health, and some by preference. No matter the style, what is important is that the grandkids know they are loved and accepted for who they are. They may not remember all the places you took them or presents you bought them, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Someday, I hope to take my grandkids on a fabulous trip, but if that never happens, I know they will still love me. Even if I do manage to take them on a memorable vacation, I have a feeling the things they will store in their memory banks are the simple things. I hope they will remember that I was excited every time I saw them; my cookie jar was always full; the nights we spent outside looking at the stars and talking quietly; the endless Monopoly games with questionable rules; and the fun we had playing wild games of hide-and-seek and chase throughout the house. Maybe they won’t even remember those things, but somewhere inside them, I feel confident they will always carry a feeling of having been deeply loved and cherished.

I’m not the most exciting grandparent, but I’m a consistent, present grandparent whose greatest contribution to their lives may be time and love. So, is it OK to be a boring grandparent? You’d have to ask my grandkids, but I’m fairly sure they would say yes.

“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.” — Sam Levenson