City, Suburbs or Country? How Tulsa Families Live

In every family’s journey, a choice is made about where to drop a pin on the winding road of life and build a life together. Home is where we park and map out tomorrow, though the landscape of our deepest desires is different for everyone. From the electric pulse of the city to the snug suburban sprawl and even the rural expanse where the earth meets the sky, families create milestones and memories with their children in many places, and their choices about where to ground themselves reflect their dreams. Three local families invite us into their worlds, sharing their insights into navigating life in the suburbs, the city and the country — and offering some perspective on mapping the road home.

Carly Carver loves the amenities of her neighborhood in
Jenks for her kids Lincoln (left) and Calvin. Photo by Valerie Wei-Haas

A Suburban Sanctuary with the Carvers

Nestled in a quiet neighborhood in Jenks, the Carvers have carved out a dreamy little slice of life, with community and convenience at the heart of their choice to live in the suburbs. John and Carly, along with their two boys, Calvin, 4, and Lincoln, 5, have found that the comfort of close neighbors is part of the foundation on which they have chosen to raise their kids.

Carly, a middle school librarian at Monte Cassino School, calls Jenks her hometown and is grateful to be raising her own children where she grew up. When deciding where to put down roots, Jenks was a clear choice for them.

“We wanted the family, neighborhood style, and for the housing prices, we knew we could get more bang for our buck in the Jenks area,” Carly said. “Since I did grow up there, I knew that it would be safe, and I knew that it was easy to get to and that there were plenty of things to do to keep us busy in that little area, plus I knew the schools would be perfect for our kids.”

The Carvers have found that relationships with their neighbors have enriched their family, and the amenities offered in their neighborhood, although shared, feel like their own.

“We are realizing that we would love to have a little bit bigger of a house, but the hardest thing for us to leave would be our neighbors. We are in a neighborhood where many of our immediate neighbors are empty nesters, and so we have extra grandparents on all sides that my boys go to and help,” Carly said with a smile. “That’s just nice — a lot of great mentors, and I know if I called them and said, ‘Hey, we are in a bind,’ I have a whole cul-de-sac of trustworthy people there to rely on.”

Accessibility was also key for the Carvers, along with safety, peace and quiet. For the boys, their favorite part of suburban life is the neighborhood pool. The addition also has a playground and a pond where they can go fishing. They have a large yard where the kids can play safely, with little traffic, and shopping and dining options are only minutes away.

“I love the fact that we have easy access to the highways without the noise, and we can meet our daily needs within 10 minutes of our house, especially when you’re running late and on the go a lot,” Carly said, “but you have the peace, too, of living in a quiet neighborhood.”

Any unexpected challenges? According to Carly, construction and traffic delays outside their neighborhood are the only real issues.

As for advice for anyone considering the suburbs, Carly said, “For me, it was everything about my current situation, lifestyle and work, and it’s about good time management. I wanted to make the most of my time with my kids, and I didn’t want to be commuting all the time. For me, as a working mom, we get to spend more of our time together, doing the things that we want to do at the places we want to be.”

The Dyer Family

An Urban Oasis with the Dyers

Madison and Kyle Dyer are writing their own story about what it looks like to raise a family in the city with their two boys, Jack, 10, and Kit, 7. It might not be typical for a family with young children, but they are living a dream in a panoramic paradise.

Kyle grew up in the suburbs, while Madison has a rural background. After they married 12 years ago, they initially lived in the suburbs. They did a lot of research and planning before deciding to buy a condo in downtown Tulsa. Ultimately, living more simply in a smaller space afforded them more time together as a family and proved to be a smart financial decision. They have built equity in real estate they own in an area that has become increasingly livable with city support.

With both Madison and Kyle’s families close by and the couple’s work nearby, downtown Tulsa was central to everything and provided opportunities that aligned with their lifestyle.

“For me, it’s always been, I don’t care where we are, as long as we are together,” Kyle said. “When we had our first son, I had a set idea, because I grew up in the burbs, and having a house with a yard in the middle of a neighborhood fit, but by our second child, I didn’t care where we lived; I just wanted us all to be together.”

For the Dyers, condo life comes with amenities, security and safety, accessibility to dining and entertainment, and walkability. Their nearly 1,600-square-foot condo, which they purchased in 2019, has stellar views of the city and river, stunning day or night. Festivals and activities downtown are steps away, and the family’s love for local dining is satisfied with some of the best restaurants in Oklahoma just minutes from their door.

“I wanted to downsize. If something breaks, someone else comes to fix it, and I didn’t want our weekends to be spent working in the yard; I want to spend time with the family and have more money to do things,” Madison said. “We grew up as millennials, and there have been several recessions. I have an oil and gas background, so I unfortunately have seen booms and busts. We wanted to do our best to protect our kids, and we also wanted to be able to afford to send them to private school. Buying the flat has by and far surpassed my expectations.”

The building they live in, built in the 1970s, includes 24-hour gated security, a track, a parking garage, a basketball court, a pool, green space, a gym, laundry facilities and dog areas, which are great for the family’s two small pups. They also have lots of great neighbors. The boys love having friends over, and their friends are excited to visit.

Madison and Kyle’s advice for anyone considering downtown life?

“Understand exactly what’s included in the amenities of a building and the HOA, and how those will be used,” Kyle said.

“Just look at the things you value, whether it’s experiences or it’s space; those are valid, but if you are looking downtown, find somewhere that you are comfortable walking and that fits your lifestyle,” Madison added.

The Gillean family

A Rural Refuge with the Gilleans

David and Alicia Gillean grew up just a few miles apart but experienced two different ways of life — David on land in the country and Alicia in the nearby suburbs. The high school sweethearts initially settled in a neighborhood, but after their daughter, Cora, was born, they began imagining a different kind of childhood for her. In 2019, the family purchased 10 acres just outside Sperry, Oklahoma, where they’ve created a home filled with farm animals, open space and plenty of room for Cora to explore.

“We wanted a simpler and quieter way of life,” Alicia said. “We wanted the freedom that living outside the city limits offers. We can let our child play outside freely. No one cares if we let part of the property grow as a pollinator habitat. No one complains about noise if we ride an off-road toy on the property. We don’t have to ask permission to have farm animals or wonder if we have room to try growing a new crop. To us, the open space of the country offers breathing room and endless possibilities.”

David owns an auto repair shop, and Alicia is a gifted teacher for fifth and sixth grades in Jenks Public Schools. Cora attends school in Jenks, and mother and daughter commute together each day.

“We spend a lot of time driving to church or school, or to get groceries, so anywhere we want to go is like 27 minutes away,” Alicia said, “so we put a lot of miles in the car, but we listen to audiobooks, and it is a good time to have conversations.”

Neighbors are close enough to visit and often do stop by, and the small-town feel of Sperry offers a sense of community.

“We laugh about it, but I actually know more of our neighbors now than I did in our old neighborhood,” Alicia said. “When we go into town, to the post office or the library, everybody there knows us, even if they don’t know our name, and most know Cora and talk to her. Everybody kind of knows everybody, which is fun.”

On the family’s farm, they have goats, rabbits and dogs. Cora has tried her hand at gardening and is learning as she grows. Together, the family loves to camp in their RV and spends much of their free time outdoors. For fun, they sometimes pitch a tent in their front yard, have campfires and birdwatch, and they are currently learning archery together.

Alicia’s advice for anyone considering life in the country?

“Something to consider before moving out of the city is that living in a rural area requires you to be intentional about scheduling time with friends. In the country, you don’t spontaneously run into other kids to play with like you would in a neighborhood. It is also a lot of work. David does 90% of the work outside the house, which I appreciate, but maintaining the property is a key factor in choosing to live in the country.”

Macy Goodnight is a freelance writer and photographer from Broken Arrow. She loves spending time with her family and friends, and has an interest in studying history, gardening, hiking and traveling.