Birthday Party Etiquette for Hosts and Guests

Susan Ellis, an accredited Etiquette Consultant and owner of Good Manners Consulting, shares her top birthday party etiquette tips.

Guest List

Once you’ve decided on the budget, you can work out how many kids to invite. Younger children might want to invite their whole class, plus other friends. Don’t discard the naughty kids at school, as they may be different in a party setting and more engaging.

Send Invitations

Invite your guests about three to five weeks out from the party, so they have plenty of time to know about the date and get organized.

If your child is handing out paper invitations at school (some schools don’t allow this anymore, so it’s a good idea to check), get them to give the invitations close to the end of school so they go straight into school bags. You might also like to hand them to kids/parents at drop-off or pick-up time yourself, if you’re able to.

Include the date, venue/location, RSVP, and if there is a theme. Also, it is a good time to check if there are any food allergies, and the parent can inform you prior to the event, which saves you time calling an ambulance!

Date/Time/Duration

Decide on the day/date of the party.

Think about when your guests will be available. Many kids are involved in activities on Saturdays, so Saturday morning may not be the best time. Long weekends and school holidays can also be tricky, as people might be out of town.

Parties generally run for two hours. Any longer than this, and younger guests get very tired.

Theme

Themes for parties are so much fun! They also make it easier to decide on tableware, decorations and even activities.

Great party themes to consider:

• Rainbow Magic
• In the Wild
• Pop Star
• Imagination
• Snow Queen
• Fancy High Tea
• Superhero

Party Activities/Entertainment

Entertainment is key to a great birthday party.

What games/activities would your child like to have at their party? Will you run the games or get an entertainer? How much would an entertainer cost? Will you have a craft? Would your child like a face painter?

Party Bags

Yum yum, my favorite. Kids love gift bags filled with candy and cookies (so do parents), and maybe some inexpensive toys. It’s a great way to send guests away.

Host Etiquette Tips

1. Greet each guest, and if you, the parent, do not know the child, coach your child to remember to introduce you, the parent, to the guest. Encourage your child to make eye contact, smile and verbalize something like “so glad you could come.”
2. If there is a selection of school friends and outside school attendees, make sure you introduce all your guests to each other.
3. Accept your gift and place it on a table. I recommend opening gifts after the party has finished, when the chaos and madness have left the building. Also, opening them later stops any distractions from the party activities.
4. Explain where the bathroom is if guests have not been to your home before.
5. Activities should be planned. Explain to your guests the games you will be playing and inform them of the rules.
6. Make sure all your guests are involved in the party. If someone is standing alone, as they may be new to the group, encourage them to participate.
7. Keep an eye out to ensure that all guests are getting along and no one is ganging up in groups and gossiping about others.
8. Make sure all guests have something to drink and eat.
9. Cut the cake 20 minutes before the end of the party. The party host receives the last piece of cake.
10. As guests leave, thank them for attending and hand them a small gift bag. No matter the age, encourage the birthday boy/girl to thank each and every guest for celebrating their day. Having the birthday child hand out the loot bags could be a good opportunity for them to verbalize their gratitude for making the party so much fun.
11. Open gifts and write down who gave you what and write out thank you cards you can then hand deliver to school and send by post to others. Do not thank guests for gifts via email or text.

Guest Etiquette Tips

1. For the love of God and all mankind. If you are attending or not, you must respond to your invitation.
2. Be respectful to other guests. If you have not been introduced, then introduce yourself.
3. Show up if you RSVP. To cancel on the day of the party is bad manners. Don’t even consider this. When you commit to an engagement then commit.
4. It’s not your party so be polite and be engaging with other guests.
5. When it comes to siblings, clear it with the host before bringing uninvited siblings along.
6. Offer to help hand out food or drinks.
7. Speak up about food allergies and intolerances early. Really early.
8. If the invite says game over at a certain time, corner your kid, make them say their polite “Thank you for having me,” and get them out of there!!
9. Don’t give a gift you wouldn’t be happy to have in your home.
10. If you have been asked for a sleepover, don’t be afraid to pitch in and lend a helping hand! Thank the family the following day as you leave.

Susan Ellis is an accredited Etiquette Consultant and owner of Good Manners, Tulsa, Oklahoma. She helps children through adults develop social skills and etiquette in a fun, entertaining way. goodmannersconsulting.com; 918.853.6321.