Nurturing Touch: Why It Matters
Who wouldn’t want to live in a compassionate, nurturing community filled with caring people? Parents and childcare providers can help create that circle of unity for children each day. One of the most powerful ways we do this is through nurturing touch.
Touch is not a luxury—it is a basic human need. Research tells us that children who are not held, hugged or comforted enough may experience developmental delays, emotional struggles and even serious health risks. According to Psychology Today (2010), babies and children deprived of healthy touch can stop growing, and if deprivation lasts long enough, may even die. On the other hand, cultures that embrace affectionate care tend to be less violent and more cooperative.
Touch is a language of respect. It supports healthy brain development, strengthens social and emotional skills, reduces stress and promotes positive behavior. When stress is lowered, children are happier—and so are their caregivers.
Everyday Opportunities for Healthy Touch
At home and in childcare settings, daily routines naturally offer many chances for healthy, nurturing touch. Consider incorporating touch during:
- Greeting and saying goodbye
- Feeding and diapering routines
- Rocking or holding
- Free play and circle time
- Nap time and transitions
- Hand washing and self-care moments
Keep in mind that the least intrusive areas for touch are a child’s shoulder or back. Many children dislike being touched on the head or neck, so avoid “patting” their heads.
Rituals that Connect
Daily rituals are powerful tools for building relationships. They create “love moments”—times when everything else pauses so we can be fully present with our children. Here is a lovely ritual by Becky Bailey, child development and early education expert.
Good Night, Elbow (“I Love You Rituals,” by Becky Bailey, Ph.D., author of “Conscious Discipline”)
- As you put your child down to rest, say: “I’m going to say good night to your ears, your hair, your forehead, your shoulders and your elbows.”
- Gently touch or massage each body part as you name it, moving slowly down the child’s body.
- Use the time to relax yourself, letting go of mental clutter and being present with the child.
Variation: In the morning, play “Wake Up, Elbow” by touching and naming body parts to help children start the day with connection.
Weather Report
Have your child sit with their back to you.
Tell this story (or make up your own) about the weather as you trace the following movements gently on your child’s back. Then let them do the movements on your back as you tell the story.
- Sun – draw large circles. “The sun shines.”
- Clouds – make small circles. “Clouds cover the sun.”
- Wind – sweep side to side. “The wind blows the clouds across the sky.”
- Tornado – swirl hands. “A tornado is in the clouds.”
- Lightning – draw bolts. “Lightning flashes!”
- Thunder – clap gently. “Thunder booms!”
- Rain and hail – tap fingers lightly or firmly. “It begins to rain and hail on the ground.”
- Snow – soft fingertip touches. “Cold snow falls.”
- Fog – rest palms quietly. “Fogs quietly settles on the town.”
- Sun returns – lift hands slowly away. “The sunshine returns.”
This playful story not only engages imagination but also provides soothing touch and connection.
A Final Word
Nurturing touch is not an extra—it is essential. It helps children feel safe, valued and connected, while also supporting healthy development in every domain. As you care for your child, bring intentional touch into daily routines and rituals to create a safe, happy environment for children to grow and thrive.
So go ahead—be hands-on, connect, and move forward with joy.
Angela Percival-Porter is a child development specialist for the State of Oklahoma. She is an adjunct professor, former director of an NAEYC-accredited early learning center, and a consultant to childcare centers.
