Nick Perrault: Amazing Dad Winner

Nick Perrault and his sons. Photo by Makenzie Howard

As we celebrate Father’s Day this month, we want to extend a heartfelt thank-you to all the amazing dads out there who are on the front lines of the sometimes difficult, but rewarding and joyful role of child rearing. For the second year, TulsaKids invited readers to nominate an amazing dad to be highlighted in our June issue. Reading the nominations brought us smiles, tears and admiration for all the loving tributes to dads in the Tulsa community.

Nick Perrault, our Amazing Dad winner, was nominated by his wife, Jennifer Perrault. She wrote: My husband, Nick Perrault, is an amazing father. He has two sons, Mason, 13, who has autism and special needs, and Carter, 11. He makes sure both of his kids are treated the same and fairly based on their needs. For over a year, he was on the board for A New Leaf, so he could understand what his son’s future could look like and learn how to help him thrive. He’s truly one of a kind and always has a smile on his face or is laughing. He can’t go anywhere without someone recognizing him and wanting to stop him to catch up. He’s such an incredible example of what a parent should be for all children.

What Being a Dad Means to Nick

Nick says that as a parent “some things work, and some things don’t. The challenging part is that there’s no playbook for being a parent.”

Having a child with high-functioning autism comes with unique challenges, so Nick allows himself the flexibility to course-correct when something isn’t working. Nick credits his wife Jennifer for being “a rock star for us” in finding resources that Mason needs within the family, at school and beyond. “She may catch me in the moment and suggest ways to do things differently (with Mason).”

Having kids with very different personalities can be challenging, but Nick works hard to understand both of their needs and interests, rather than expecting either of them to fit a preconceived mold.

“I try to meet the kids where they’re at,” Nick says. “Kids are pulled in so many different directions. Carter is very social and wants to be doing anything and everything. He doesn’t want to miss out. Mason might want to be alone. He’s a unique kid. Anyone who interacts with him usually loves him. He’s not dependent on other people. He’s a really good kid.”

Making Time

Nick says his job involves travel, so he tries to be intentional about spending time with his family and one-on-one time with Mason and Carter. He reflected on how as a child he spent a lot of time with his grandparents and cousins and feels some regret that his kids don’t have the same experience.

“How do I create memories today?” he asks. “Everybody’s just busy. How do you get them to slow down and appreciate the moments? I try to model good behavior and structure like doing family dinners and community things, but I still struggle with being in the moment.”

Nick says one of the best things about being a parent is sharing outdoor activities that he enjoys, such as camping and fishing, with Mason and Carter. They also go to TU football games, Oilers games or hiking at Turkey Mountain.

“I’m always down to have a good time,” Nick says. “We got a golf cart a couple of years ago and drive it around. If we’re bored, sometimes we’ll just get in the car and cruise.”

He says it’s important to expose kids to lots of different things. “If they don’t like it, fine. They’ve done cooking classes, theater camp, football. But I also want then to understand what commitment means, following through with things.”

Nick hopes that allowing the boys to have a variety of experiences now will help them discover their interests as they get older.

“I engage differently with each of the boys and differently than they do with their mom. I try to carve out one-on-one time and create those little moments – something that will continue to build that bond is cool.”

Photo by Makenzie Howard Photography

Handling Hard Things

Nick says that one of the most challenging things for him about being a dad is being in the moment.

“It’s easy to get into worrying about how things are going to be in the future,” he says. “I think most parents struggle with being present without letting life, work and all those other things creep in – the ‘what-ifs’ of our kids’ future. I’m a big proponent of this one shot at life. I try to model that behavior and instill that in my kids.”

As his boys get older, like most parents, Nick is working on the balancing act of allowing more freedom while still providing protection. He laughed about his son asking if he could take a pocketknife to help build a fort with the neighborhood kids.

“I looked at Jen and said, ‘It’s a good thing that he asked us,’” Nick laughed. “Instead of overreacting, we asked him a lot of open-ended questions to find out what he was going to do with it. We told him to just be careful and thanked him for asking.”

Nick says he and Jennifer find themselves having more of those open-ended conversations about friends and activities like gaming as their kids get older.

“I didn’t have those kinds of conversations with my dad,” he says. “I think about bullying and group chats on their games. You have to have a break. They’re connected 24/7. There is no escape. How do you not stifle it, but how do you get them to disconnect and let them be kids?”

Since they are constantly connected, Nick says kids also have to experience the pain of being left out. “They’re not equipped to handle that stuff because they don’t want to miss out on anything. You try to protect them as much as you can,” he says. “And, when they are doing things like sleepovers, you ask questions. You have to meet the parents. Creating community is a big thing.”

One of the qualities of being a good dad for Nick is listening and then providing options to help with decision-making.

“I think of how my dad was with me,” Nick says. “I’ll ask his advice. And he’s usually the first person I call to share something – good or bad.”

Nick wants to be the go-to person for his kids. “I want them to be comfortable coming to me – whatever that may be. I want to be open and honest,” he says. “Not being a friend, but being a parent. You have to be able to say no, even if it makes them feel bad or disappointed.”

Finding a Tribe

While Nick has a great parenting partner in Jennifer, he also has a group of male friends that he can go to for advice and support.

“It’s OK to say you’re not good at being a dad,” Nick says. “I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes. And you can say that you’re not OK.”

Nick’s group of college friends meets once a week, and he’ll often throw out a scenario and ask for their advice.

“They’re all going through the same things,” he says. “It’s so important to have somebody that you can say, ‘I’ve got this going on. What do you think?’’’

Leaving a Legacy

“For me, being a dad is one of the hardest and most rewarding roles I’ve ever had,” Nick says. He is thoughtful as he reflects on what it means to be a dad. “What’s the legacy I’ll leave with them? How do I continue to be mindful of the key aspects of the role that I signed up for?”

Looking forward over the next few years for his boys, Nick doesn’t know what will happen. He is uncertain about how much Mason will be able to do on his own. What he does know is that he wants to continue to be a good example. He knows that they’re always watching him, and Nick takes his role in their lives seriously.

“I look forward to watching Mason and Carter grow up and become young adults,” Nick says, “and become the good citizens I know they will be.”