Happy Mother’s Day from The Empty Nest
When my kids were young, Mother’s Day was important to me. I loved being a mother, but it was a challenging job, and I felt I deserved a day to be celebrated. Fortunately, my children complied with the obligatory but delightful homemade cards and sweet gifts. Now that my children are grown and I have grandchildren, Mother’s Day is no longer all about me. Not all mothers with grown children agree, but this empty nester is ready to pass the Mother’s Day honors to my daughter, who has young kids.
Motherhood is wonderful, fulfilling, and joyful. It’s also exhausting, frustrating, and maddening. These may seem like contradictory feelings, and they are, but that doesn’t mean they can’t coexist in the same person, sometimes almost simultaneously. Being a mother can take you to the deepest places of love, and then, in a split second, take you to the depths of despair. There’s a reason for the cliché, “Motherhood is the hardest job you’ll ever love.” Unlike other jobs, where you can give two weeks’ notice of resignation, the job of motherhood is permanent. You may think it has a shelf life of eighteen years, and then the offspring goes to college, and you’re off the job, but it’s not that simple. The role of mother evolves as a child ages, but it is a lifetime gig. Parenting is not a minor undertaking and therefore, not for the weak of heart.
Another popular cliché is “The days are long, but the years are short.” I will vouch for that, but it’s also my policy to never say it to a young mother in the midst of raising children. That’s not what they need to hear. Another phrase that’s strictly off limits when I’m talking to young mothers is, “Cherish every moment.” When I hear women my age say that to younger women, I want to ask them if they have amnesia?! The past is romanticized as they forget the moments that drove us mad. I don’t look back and wish I could relive the time my one-year-old sunk her new teeth into her two-year-old sister’s back. I don’t fondly reminisce about the time my kids broke out into a physical altercation while in line for communion. I don’t wish I could relive sleepless nights during the first era, when they were babies, or the second insomnia stage when they were teenagers.
Don’t misunderstand me, I loved being a mother, but I’m a realist. I know being a parent is the best of times and the worst of times. The job is easy only if you don’t care. However, parenting is the one job that you really don’t want to screw up. Of course, mistakes will be made, but an apology and a request for forgiveness go a long way.
Speaking of long, this was my long-winded, rambling way to say you should honor the mothers in your life this Sunday! Make them breakfast in bed, buy them flowers, take them out, or give them time alone. My love language is words of affirmation, so my favorite gifts have always been letters of love from my kids. These days, I’m thrilled if I get a Facebook mention or a text. Just do something to make sure they know how much they are appreciated! Don’t make the mistake of letting love go undeclared.
A word to men that I can’t let go unsaid this week. Do NOT try to use the excuse, “they’re not my mother,” as a way to get out of buying the mother of your children a gift! This is a pet peeve of mine! It shows a lack of character and kindness. I must give my ex-husband a gold star in this area. We divorced when our children were toddlers, but he always made sure to help them buy me great gifts and write cards every Mother’s Day. It was respectful, generous, and thoughtful, and is still remembered thirty years later. Always be kinder than necessary.
From an empty nester to all active duty mothers, I wish you the happiest Mother’s Day. I hope you get whatever it is you’re hoping for, but more important than a tangible gift, I hope you feel loved, valued, and seen. You’re doing a great job!
