Fun and Focus: Choosing Extracurricular Activities Without Overloading Kids and Families

It’s 5:45 p.m. on a Tuesday, and the chicken you planned to cook is still frozen. One kid is at the kitchen table asking for help with math homework, another is looking for her missing soccer cleats and you’re filling water bottles and throwing snacks into a bag. You glance at the clock. Practice starts in 15 minutes. You yell, “Time to go!”

“I don’t want to go,” your child says. “I’m tired of soccer.”

You pause, caught between frustration and relief. After all the effort to make it work—why does it feel like no one wants to do this?

If this scene feels at all familiar, you’re not alone. The start of a new school year often brings a rush to sign up for sports, clubs and lessons. But saying yes too quickly can leave kids (and parents) stretched thin.

We talked to Lorri Perez, LCSW, senior program director for counseling at Family and Children’s Services, about enrichment activities for kids—how they impact families, the benefits, the stress they can cause and when to know when it’s time to step back.

Why Do Activities?

After-school activities can feel like a natural step in raising well-rounded kids. Sports build confidence and teamwork. Music and dance teach discipline and self-expression. Tumbling, art classes and baby sign language aren’t just available—they’re often marketed to parents before a child can walk. For many families, the sign-up sheets start arriving before the diapers are gone.

And with each new season or semester, it can feel like the “right” activity might be the key to unlocking a child’s potential. But it’s important to consider why you’re signing up. Is it because it feels like everyone else is? Is it because you don’t want your child to miss out? Or because you want them to learn something they’re not getting in school? There’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer, but it’s worth exploring when considering your family’s schedule and the potential stress these commitments can add to daily life.

For young children, Perez says it’s important to make sure they have enough unstructured playtime.

“Younger kids need to have some unstructured or child-directed play because that’s how they learn to problem solve. It’s absolutely important for kids’ development,” she said. “When we have alone time, we think through our problem, we think through our distractions.”

Even for older kids, she adds, constant busyness can sometimes be a form of avoidance.

“You have to know your kid. For some people, boredom is a trigger to emotional dysregulation,” she said.

Benefits of Extracurricular Activities

There’s a reason so many parents say yes. Organized activities offer real advantages, both academically and socially. According to a U.S. Department of Education study, students who participate in after-school activities are more likely to have higher grades, increased school attendance and a stronger sense of connection at school.

Anecdotally, parents see the value, too. Activities can help kids build confidence, manage their time and form friendships outside the classroom. For younger children, programs like gymnastics or dance can boost motor skills, coordination and language development.

“It’s good for kids to be involved,” Perez said. “But it might be good to think about what goes best with their personalities. They may have to try new things to see what they like.”

But managing parental expectations is another part of making sure activities are fun and not a source of stress.

“Don’t put your little one in soccer or t-ball and think they’re going to be a team player,” Perez said.

That comes with age, she explained, noting it’s important to match activities with a child’s developmental stage.

When to Quit—or Just Pause

Once your child has picked a sport or activity, it’s a good idea to set expectations early. Some families ask their kids to stick with an activity for one full season. After all, buying the uniform, paying sign-up fees and arranging transportation only for your child to quit after the first practice can be frustrating—and it may send a mixed message about commitment.

But if it becomes clear that your child is miserable, anxious or overwhelmed, it’s worth reevaluating—even if the season isn’t over. Signs to watch for include:

• Meltdowns: Crying or distress before or after the activity
• Nerves: Intense anxiety or dread
• Sleep Disruption: Trouble sleeping due to time demands or pressure
• Academic Overload: Difficulty managing schoolwork alongside the activity
• Physical Complaints: Recurring headaches, stomachaches or complaints about going

Still, it doesn’t always have to be all or nothing. For some kids, especially in individual activities like music lessons or dance classes, taking a break—or pausing—is a helpful alternative. A short break gives children time to reset without closing the door completely. It also allows space for reflection: Do they miss the activity when it’s gone? Do they feel more relaxed or more restless without it?

Perez encourages parents to look at the big picture.

“It’s important to keep yourself open to making a mistake and then correcting that mistake,” Perez said.

That might mean stepping away for a season, trying something new or simply leaving space on the calendar for rest and downtime.

Thinking Outside the Box

We tend to think about extracurricular activities in terms of sports and school-sponsored clubs or programs. But expanding the idea of what counts can open up meaningful options for both you and your child.

“As a parent you probably know the stuff your kid is interested in. You may have a kid who likes to get out and walk around and be in nature. Maybe they would like something like 4-H,” Perez said.

Kids who love animals may want to spend their extra time volunteering at an animal shelter. Others might prefer a creative class that meets less frequently or involves less structure. These lower-commitment options may better match your family’s needs during certain seasons.

There may also be times when the best decision is to simply slow down.

“I know it’s a big deal to take a season off of a sport. But if you feel like all you’re doing is running back and forth from practices, you may need to take a break to have some family time. You have to do what is right for your family so you’re not going completely crazy as a parent,” Perez said.

Find What Works

Extracurricular activities can enrich your child’s life by building skills, confidence and friendships, but only when they fit the rhythm of your family. Some seasons may be packed with practices and rehearsals; others may call for slowing down. The goal isn’t to do everything—it’s to do what makes sense right now. Whether that means trying something new or making space for rest, what matters most is that your child feels supported, not overwhelmed—and that you do, too.

Consider Developmental Age When Choosing an Activity

If you notice your child’s anxiety go up as they participate in a sport or activity, it may be that they’re not developmentally ready for that activity or they may need a scaled down version of the sport. Here are some guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics:

• Before age 6, most children do not have the basic motor skills for organized sports. They have limited attention spans and vision is not fully mature. Focus on basic skills such as running, swimming, tumbling, throwing and catching. Avoid competition.
• By ages 6-9, most children have the motor skills for simple organized sports. They are still building eye-hand coordination and may not be ready for concepts like teamwork and strategies. Activities should focus on learning new skills, not winning.
• By ages 10-12, children have the motor skills and cognitive ability to play sports that require complex motor skills, teamwork and strategies. Focus on skill development, fun and participation, not competition. Keep in mind the physical differences at this age.
• Remember, children should not play competitive win/lose sports until they understand that their self-worth is not based on the outcome of the game.
• Avoid early specialization in a single sport, intensive training, and year-round training, which may result in overuse injury, mental stress and burnout. It may also prevent a child from developing a variety of motor skills.

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics

Natalie Mikles is a mom of three. She writes about food, sharing recipes for busy families and picky eaters. She has been recognized for her food columns as well as features on families and issues affecting local children. Natalie loves pizza and movie nights with her family.