Do You Think You Know Your Mother? Ten Questions to Ask Your Mom This Mother’s Day

My beautiful mother. I wish I’d known her better.

You think you know your mother. After all, she is your mother. But do you really know her, or do you assume you do? It’s easy to see our parents as just parents, not actual people. Our mothers, in particular, become part of the landscape, something we tend to take for granted. When we’re kids, we can’t imagine our mothers ever had an existence before we arrived on the scene. Even as adults, we often take them for granted and see them as moms. Wouldn’t it be nice to know our mothers on a deeper level?

I longed to know my mom. I wanted to know what made her tick, what she thought, and how she felt. I saw her almost every day of my adult life, but I never got to know her as Esther. I  never understood her on that deep level I craved. As Mother’s Day approaches, I miss my mom, who has been gone many years now, and I wonder if I could have tried harder to get to know who she was.

I wish I had asked my mom questions. I wish I’d recorded or written her responses. We think we’ll remember everything. We think we’ll get around to asking those questions later, but as Buddha said, “The problem is, you think you have time.” If the last three years have taught us anything, it should be that there is no guarantee of time, so use yours wisely. Seize the opportunity to get to know your mother as a person by asking her these ten questions.

1. What is your earliest childhood memory?
2. Did you have a happy childhood? Were you close to your parents and siblings?
3. Tell me about your first crush, your first kiss, and your first love.
4. What did you dream of becoming when you were young?
5. Do you have any regrets? What are they?
6. What are three memories of times you experienced great joy? If you could relive one experience, what would it be?
7. What have been some of the most challenging aspects of your life? How did you get through that experience or time?
8. Who is the best friend you have ever had?
9. What do you think is your greatest accomplishment in life?
10. What are you looking forward to in the next ten years?

You can ask these questions in person, through a letter, or email. You can record a video if your mom is willing or compile the answers in writing and put them in a beautiful journal. These questions are just suggestions, make up your own or go to some of the sites with additional questions. There are many books on the market designed to assist people in writing their life stories. Those might be helpful guides, but I think there is more to be gained from spending time with your mother in conversation.

Taking the time and interest to know who your mom is beyond the mom role is a gift to both of you. Most moms are used to focusing on other people’s needs, but she might welcome a chance to talk about herself. Do you think you know your mother? You will after you ask her these questions! Happy Mother’s Day!

My mom during her reign as “Miss Republic County.” She didn’t like talking about her beauty queen days because she was embarrassed she had gained weight.