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A study shows that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine

Oreos are as addictive as cocaine say researchers from Connecticut College. Surprise!

I could have told them that without a study. I swear, every week when I’m doing my grocery shopping, I have an uncontrollable urge to swerve toward that blue and white package. And these days, the original Oreo is just a gateway drug to the harder, more powerful products: Double-stuffed, holiday-themed, and that brilliant invention – chocolate dipped! – how could they NOT be addictive? Many times, I’ve reached out my hand to grab that bag off the shelf, only to pull it back in horror. I can feel my mouth filling with saliva just writing about them.

Having said that, I haven’t actually eaten an Oreo in years. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had one. To an addict, it’s just best to avoid the addiction altogether. As a recovering addict, I feel compelled to give you some pointers on overcoming this most horrific of public health threats.

  1. Avoid the cookie aisle when shopping. It’s best just not to see them.
  2. Don’t assume that you have self-control. It is impossible to eat just one. You know I’m right, so don’t argue.
  3. Telling yourself that you’re just “buying a treat for the kids” is delusional. You know it. I know it. Let it go.
  4. Hiding Oreos out of sight in the kitchen, laundry room, garage or outdoor shed does not work. This is called “denial.” You know they’re there. You know what you’ll do after the kids are in bed. Don’t fool yourself. It could be 20 below and you’ll be sneaking out to the garage in your jammies and slippers to get that package of sugary, fatty goodness.
  5. If you start hallucinating about taking the chocolate cookies apart and eating the white middle (saving the “chocolate cookie outsides for last..”), or you’re envisioning those white-dipped Oreos (my personal favorite), create a distraction. It could be mopping the floor, having sex, walking around the block, bathing the dog – whatever it takes to remove that image from your mind.
  6. Have a partner – like an AA sponsor – that you can call to get you through the hard times. Maybe you hear your husband opening a potato chip bag and it reminds you of ripping into a bag of Oreos. Don’t cave. Call your sponsor to talk you down.
  7. Maybe you see a TV commercial of kids and parents enjoying a special Oreo and milk moment together. This is a lie. You know those parents are going to be feeling guilty and sick after eating all that sugar, and the kids, well, you know how that’s going to end…
  8. Finally, if you need scientific reinforcement, remind yourself of this study. The Oreo-fed rats were jonzin’ for the Oreos just as much as the rats addicted to cocaine and morphine. And the researchers discovered that Oreos activated the brain’s pleasure center MORE than cocaine or morphine.

So next time you reach for those seemingly innocuous little discs, remind yourself that you are reaching for a lifetime of hidden shame. Don’t let it happen to you.

Categories: Editor’s Blog