Setting Boundaries with Children: Simple, Necessary and Consistent

Teaching children begins early. Toddlers are not too young to begin to understand right vs. wrong. The important thing is to make a few simple rules, be consistent and kind and follow through.

1. Keep Boundaries Simple, Necessary and Minimal

• Children thrive when expectations are clear and manageable. Too many rules can overwhelm and confuse them.
• Focus on the rules that truly matter – those that keep children safe, help them respect others, and protect the environment around them.
• Example of a necessary rule: “We keep sand in the sandbox to keep everyone safe.”

2. Repeat Rules Often — Children Learn Through Repetition

• Young children are still developing their memory and self-control. Gentle, frequent reminders help reinforce expectations.
• Repetition is not nagging — it’s teaching. Use the same calm, clear language each time to help the rule “stick.”
• Example: “Remember, sand stays in the sandbox.”

3. Consistency Builds Trust

• If it’s a rule, it must be applied every time. Inconsistency confuses children and makes it harder for them to follow through.
• Children feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect.
• If a rule changes depending on mood or situation, children may test boundaries more often.

4. Follow Through with Calm and Kindness

• When a rule is broken, act right away, calmly and predictably.
• Following through is not about punishment — it’s about helping the child experience the natural result of their choice.
• Example: “George, I see you threw the sand again. Now it’s time to play in another area.”
  Then gently guide George to a different activity.

Why This Works

Simple and consistent boundaries help children feel safe, learn self-control and develop respect for others. Repetition and follow-through teach them that their choices have predictable outcomes, which builds both responsibility and trust.

Note

It is important to recognize that children are emotional beings who are still learning to manage their emotions. Sometimes, when we enforce rules, children will have a “melt down,” cry or vocalize their displeasure. This is okay. Allow your child/ren to express their displeasure and calmly stick to your rule and move on.

Angela Percival-Porter serves as a Child Development Specialist for the State of Oklahoma and is an adjunct professor, teaching various child development and child care administration courses at both community and national colleges. With 33 years of experience working with families and children, Angela has held roles such as director of an NAEYC-accredited early care and education center and has provided mental health consultation to local childcare centers.