Parents Can Help Ease Teens’ Back-to-School Anxiety

Change can be difficult for people of all ages, but for teens it can be particularly challenging. Transition comes with uncertainty and a loss of control, and for adolescents, who are still developing their sense of identity and independence, this can be especially difficult as it disrupts their familiar routines and relationships at a time when they’re likely experiencing significant physical, emotional and social growth. Changing schools, or simply moving from middle to high school, are common times of transition, where kids may be anxious about “fitting in” in an unfamiliar environment. Fortunately, for parents and teens alike, there are things we can do to address that apprehension and help kids find their path and their people.

Caveat

A certain amount of anxiety about a new situation, such as the transition from middle to high school, is a normal reaction for a teenager. However, if your teen’s anxiety begins to interfere with their daily life or persists for an extended period of time, it’s important to seek professional help.

Normalize it

A lot of things have changed in the last few decades, but the fear of “not fitting in” seems to be an eternal adolescent theme. In fact, most people have felt like they don’t fit in at one point or another in their life. As a parent, sharing your own teenage (or even adult) experiences can be helpful to your child. Not only can it be a source of amusement (at your expense, of course) for your teen, but it’s also a way to assure them that occasionally feeling left out or like you don’t belong is universal to the larger human experience.

The basics

Teens have busy lives, and often the basics of good physical and mental health – enough sleep, exercise and a balanced diet – get overlooked. Talking to kids about the benefits of a healthy lifestyle and helping them find the information and the motivation they need to improve these areas of their lives gives them a tool they can use well beyond their school years.

Adequate sleep is necessary for building emotional resilience, which is what teens need to effectively overcome many of the challenges, including those feelings of not fitting in, that they experience. Poor sleep, in particular, can lead to psychological distress, making it more difficult to cope with stress and regulate emotions. When people sleep poorly, they’re more likely to interpret the world around them in a negative light.

Beyond just physical benefits, regular exercise is a useful tool for handling stress. During exercise, the body releases endorphins that lower stress levels, boost alertness and increase energy levels throughout the day. Exercise also reduces the risk of depression and helps teens feel more energetic and have a positive outlook on life.

Communication

According to Scott Aycock, a retired marriage and family therapist with over 40 years of experience in the field, communication remains an important part of supporting your teen during the transition to high school. However, you may need to make some changes in the way you communicate. He recommends that parents not “push it,” but rather find a time when it seems right or natural to discuss it.

“Wait until, for example, your kid is asking about notebooks for school, or something comes up about school, and then that’s a time for a parent to ask some good, open-ended questions like, ‘How are you feeling about starting school? Are you excited? Are you nervous?’,” he suggests.

When the opportunity arises, Aycock encourages parents to talk to their kids about the importance of being themselves.

“Remind them that it’s okay to be their own person. That it’s time to start figuring out who they want to be,” he says.

For most teenagers, the anxiety associated with transitioning to high school and the fear of not fitting in dissipates with time. As parents, it’s important to remember that your role may change, but your teen still needs your support. Open and empathetic communication can go a long way towards easing your child’s concerns as they take this next step in their journey to adulthood.

Tips for Teens

1. Keep in touch with your contacts from middle school, friends, teachers and counselors. They can provide a network of support.
2. Connect with people you already know who are going to the same school.
3. Attend any meet-and-greet or orientation events for your high school.
4. Focus on quality not quantity in friendships.
5. Stay true to yourself, but explore new opportunities through classes, organizations, clubs, sports and extracurricular activities.
6. Take advantage of resources, such as counselors, at your new school.
7. Remember the things that make you “different” are often the very same things that make you “cool.” There is power in being an “outsider.”

Tips for Parents

1. Encourage or help your child sign up for school activities that tap into their interests. Shared interests create common ground and connection.
2. Talk openly about social challenges and empathize with your child’s emotions. Offer reassurance.
3. Help your teen explore opportunities to be involved in activities outside of school. Meeting new people helps them understand that the world is a big place, and everyone isn’t the same as the kids at their school.
4. Suggest that they “find one friend first.” Starting a relationship with one person is easier than trying to fit into a big group.

Julie Wenger Watson is a freelance writer who’s worked in all aspects of music promotion. She’s also Co-Director of “Live From Cain’s,” a public radio show pilot.