Growing Independence in Ages 0-3

We raise our children to become independent beings from the time they are born—helping them learn to walk, talk and solve problems. The first three years are especially important, laying the groundwork for confidence and autonomy.

It can be difficult to allow children to do things for themselves. Feeding is messy. Dressing takes time. Watching your child struggle can test your patience. But when caregivers step in too quickly, children miss valuable opportunities to practice and grow. Allowing them to “work through” processes builds independence, problem-solving skills and a sense of pride.

Starting early and allowing extra time for cleanup after meals, getting dressed in the morning and brushing teeth (you can always brush “well” after your child has tried) can reduce frustration for both you and your child.

You may be surprised by what your child is capable of when given the opportunity. Praise all efforts, even when the result isn’t perfect. Simple encouragement such as, “Good trying,” or “I like how hard you tried to put your shoes on,” increases the likelihood they’ll try again. Children also learn through repetition, so provide multiple opportunities to practice throughout the week.

By the time children are 3 years old, many are capable of these self-help skills:

0–12 months

• Holds own bottle or cup
• Begins finger feeding
• Crawls to explore the environment
• Begins imitation skills (clapping, waving bye-bye)

1–2 years

• Eats a variety of table foods
• Assists with dressing (holding out arms or legs)
• Begins spoon feeding
• Weans from the bottle

2–3 years

• Washes hands with assistance
• Participates in brushing teeth
• Drinks from an open cup
• Helps with simple tasks, such as feeding pets

One of the biggest challenges for caregivers is resisting the urge to jump in and complete tasks for the child. Instead, provide environments that encourage independence. Create large, clean spaces for crawling and exploration, offer utensils at mealtimes and model skills while allowing children time to try on their own.

Another effective way to promote self-help skills is through pretend play. Encourage children to “cook” using pots and pans and wooden spoons, wash dolls during bath time or care for stuffed animals. Also, read books together that celebrate independence and accomplishment.

You can also invite your child to help with daily routines: matching socks during laundry, sorting and putting away silverware and cleaning up their toys at the end of the day. Before long, you’ll have a child who is proud to help and confident in what they can do.

If you have concerns that your child is not developing these skills, talk with your pediatrician or request a developmental evaluation through an early intervention program like SoonerStart.

Angela Percival-Porter is a child development specialist for the State of Oklahoma. She is an adjunct professor, former director of an NAEYC-accredited early learning center, and a consultant to childcare centers.