Helping Teens Build a Healthy Body Image

Adolescence is a period of self-discovery, when teens explore who they are and who they want to be. At the same time, they live in a media-saturated world where they are assailed with countless images of unrealistic beauty standards. Combine that with a healthy dose of peer pressure, hormonal changes and social comparison, and it can be challenging for teenagers to maintain a healthy sense of self—especially when it comes to body image. Fortunately, there are things you can do (and not do) to support the adolescents in your life in a culture that often doesn’t.

Teens and Body Image

Although statistics vary, it’s clear that a large percentage of adolescents experience negative body image or body dissatisfaction. It’s estimated that anywhere from over half to 85% of teens suffer from these issues. While girls frequently report higher dissatisfaction, boys are not immune, with some data showing over 50% of teen boys are self-conscious about their appearance.

Those numbers are significant because negative body image can lead to or compound a range of challenges, including:

• Depression and anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Disordered eating
• Social withdrawal
• Academic struggles
• Risky behaviors, substance abuse or self-harm

Since so many adolescents report some degree of negative body image or dissatisfaction with their appearance, let’s look at some ways to help change the narrative.

What (Not) to Say

“My general recommendation for all people is simply don’t comment on someone else’s body,” says Grace Evans, co-owner of Tulsa’s Whole Hive Counseling.

Evans is a licensed professional counselor supervisor, a certified eating disorders specialist and a mother of three. According to Evans, when you compliment weight loss, for example, you could actually be commenting on something that is the result of a physical illness or eating disorder.

“It’s really best not to comment at all on body changes, especially weight loss,” she says. Instead, Evans recommends compliments about who someone is as a person or achievements they’ve accomplished.

“We need to shift our focus as a culture from appearance-focused to focusing on what’s inside and what we’re achieving outside of just what we look like,” she says.

Check Yourself

Parents can set a positive example by modeling their own healthy behaviors, including self-acceptance and exhibiting a healthy relationship with food and exercise. Be mindful of the language you use around weight and beauty standards. Refrain from making comments about other people’s physical appearance, and avoid making critical comments about your own, too.

“Remember when you’re criticizing your body, especially as a mom of daughters, you’re criticizing their body,” says Evans. “So really try to not say critical things about yourself at all, but especially not in the presence of your children.”

Evans notes that it’s also important for parents to check their own biases.

“If my kid looks different than the kids in their class, is that truly due to a health concern? Or is my kid super active, super healthy, moves their body, and eats food that’s good and fuels them? Or am I projecting my own biases about what things should look like onto them,” she says.

Emphasize Health Over Appearance

If you do have concerns about your child, make the conversation about overall health and well-being rather than appearance, and focus on topics such as balanced nutrition, a positive relationship with movement and mental wellness.

“If you do have concerns, like you’re worried your kiddos aren’t getting as much movement as they’d like, or you’re truly concerned about their eating from an overall perspective, not what your own beliefs are about it, then I think that’s something to look at,” says Evans. “But be really cautious and careful because you’re likely to do more harm than good when you start pointing out things about your adolescent or teen’s body.”

Evans suggests approaching it from an opportunity to connect.

“Offer to start taking some walks together,” she says by way of example. “Use it as a way to connect and build your relationship.”

Think Critically about Media Influence

AI is drastically increasing the amount of heavily edited and hyper-unrealistic images of bodies and faces that appear in advertising and on social media. Have conversations about why it might benefit an influencer or corporation to cultivate insecurities around body image in order to sell products as a “solution” to the very problems they help create. Encourage kids to unfollow accounts that make them feel bad about their bodies.

“My mantra is, ‘It’s unfair to compare,’” says Evans. “Whenever any of us are comparing on social media, we’re not seeing the whole picture. I realize this may be unrealistic, but my general recommendation for parents is no social media for under 18.”

Look Deeper

According to Evans, negative body image is about more than appearance.

“I think it’s important for people to know that body image, which is how we think and feel about our body, actually has very little to do with how we look,” says Evans. “Our body image is based in our experiences, our feelings and our thoughts, so approach it from that framework.”

Evans says stress and anxiety about friends, school or other aspects of life can often manifest as body dissatisfaction.

“When body image is negative, there are often other things going on,” she says. “That’s just the surface. Try to find out what’s beneath it.”

For adolescents and parents alike, navigating body image in today’s culture is a challenge. Evans wants parents to know they’re not alone.

“I think it’s so important for parents to know that there are resources to help them,” she says. “Reach out to people locally. Reach out for support if you have questions.”

For more information about Evans’ practice, visit wholehivecounseling.com.

What to Say – and What to Skip

Instead of commenting on appearance, try focusing on:

• Effort and perseverance
• Kindness or empathy
• Creativity or problem-solving
• Skills they’re developing
• Achievements they’re proud of

Julie Wenger Watson is a freelance writer who’s worked in all aspects of music promotion. She’s also Co-Director of “Live From Cain’s,” a public radio show pilot.