Moving On: Helping Your Kids Adjust to A New School
Many kids are changing schools every year for reasons other than the usual ones like switching from elementary to middle school, or middle school to high school. Some of the most common reasons include parents relocating to a new city or state for a job or dissatisfaction with the current school district. Transitions can be tough on kids, especially if they’re moving to a new community and must make brand-new friends, but there’s a lot you can do to help them adjust during the transition. Don’t wait until the last minute. Be proactive in preparing your kids for a new school. Here’s what the experts suggest:
Get to know the new school and teachers
Kids like it when they’re properly prepared for an upcoming change. Ask if you can get a tour of the new school. Sometimes the guidance counselor or the principal is available for a quick visit. “Knowing the lay of the land – like where the cafeteria is or where to find the bathrooms,” says Sherri Gordon, a certified professional life coach with expertise in children, “can help alleviate some of their concerns before the first day.”
Sandra Calzadilla, a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in child development, agrees: “Taking a tour of the school prior to starting the new school helps kids feel less disoriented.” Tell them who to ask for assistance, like the school nurse, and what they can expect at drop-off and pick-up time, if they’re still in elementary school.
Many schools have virtual tours. Clinical psychologist Dr. Megan Goslin suggests that parents check out the school’s website for video or pictures of its layout so that the kids can identify such spaces as the cafeteria, the bathrooms, gym and classrooms.
Do a trial run
Even if your kids have participated in a real or virtual tour of their new school, do a trial run to make sure they know how to get to school safely and on time. If they’re taking the bus, walk them to the bus stop, walk them to school if that’s an option, and invite kids from the neighborhood to come along if they also go to the same school.
As Becton Loveless of Education Corner, a major education site, puts it: “Why wait until the first day of school to figure everything out? The unknown is what scares students the most about their first day of school – especially for those who’re attending a new school.”
Get school supplies
Watch the school website for supply lists, or ask their teaches before school starts whether your kids are expected to bring certain supplies to school. “Arriving at school with the appropriate supplies and materials,” says Loveless, “keeps children from feeling like the odd man out. This is particularly true of younger students who’re sensitive to feeling different or left out.”
Help them make new friends
Kids are understandably most concerned about how they’ll do socially in their new community – whether they’ll be able to make new friends. You can help them, Gordon says, by encouraging them to participate in extracurricular activities at their new school or community.
Loveless agrees. “Getting involved in extracurricular activities outside the classroom,” she says, “can help a child feel more connected inside the classroom.”
… But stay in contact with the old ones
Encourage your kids to make new friends, but also help them stay in contact with their old friends as that’ll give them a sense of security and continuity. You can encourage them to call, FaceTime or text each other and, if possible, make plans for an actual get-together. “Knowing they’ll see their friends again in some way,” says Gordon, “can help your child feel more settled as they move on.”
Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences, and Disorders at The City University of New York – Brooklyn College.
