Confessions of a Work-at-Home Mom: Making Every Day Sexy

My husband and I had to go out of town last weekend. As we like to do any time we’re staying in a hotel, we put on our coziest pajamas, got chin-deep in the covers and flipped on the funniest, most moronic thing we could find on cable TV.

Hey, don’t knock us. At least we don’t spend thousands of hours and hundreds of dollars each year on the boob tube. We can watch TV when we’re dead. Or, you know, when we’re spending hundreds of dollars on a hotel room for the weekend.

All of this is beside the point, so I’ll get back on track: So there we were, sitting in the glow of the light of a giant TV, cold cocktails in hand, the sounds of a comedy show audience washing over our ears like waves on a beach.

Then, we heard a different sort of noise.

We looked at each other, mouths tight and eyes wide. We grasped for the remote and, finding it finally under our fort of pillows, turned down the TV. We rolled our eyes cautiously toward the ceiling.

That sound. It was exactly what we had thought it was. The couple in the room above us were…they were, uh…well, it sounded a little something like sex.

Except that just 20 seconds or so after the, uh, racket started, it was over. And we didn’t hear anything out of our overhead neighbors for the rest of the night.

And then I got sad. I mean, if that’s what this couple’s vacation sex was like, imagine what must be going on in their bedroom on a regular basis. Not much, me thinks.

Marriage counselors everywhere will tell you that the No. 1 and 2 reasons why marriages fail is due to issues involving money and sex. So, there’s that. But here’s my layman’s thinking: Money comes and money goes, but life’s too short, my fellow parents, for bad sex.

I think that in marriage and long-term intimate relationships, it can be easy to fall into a rut when it comes to the ol’ love life. TulsaKids Magazine had an interesting article on how to recharge your relationship in last month’s issue, and I think all of you should at least give it a skim. There’s some good advice there.

But, of course, I want to add some of my own tried-and-true tips for sizzle. Until I start Tulsa’s first love and sex blog (because I think Tulsans would love such a blog, and who else to start it than a blogger who has to continually reassure prospective readers that her site isn’t anything like the movie of a similar alliterative name), here are some of the strategies that I’ve come across that can help to spike the spice factor in the bedroom.

Because if someone has to overhear you having sex, they should know without a doubt that you’re having a great time.

Talk to a counselor.

No, counseling isn’t just for couples in trouble. In fact, it’s nice to see a counselor at least once every six months or so, even if it’s just to have someone around to moderate as you review something as boring as long-range home improvement goals. The point is to keep the lines of communications open. Because when you’re talking openly and honestly with each other, you’re probably having great sex.

Switch roles.

Imagine a world without the honey-do list. Seems lovely, right? Try doing some of the chores you’d normally assign to the other person in your relationship. Not only will your partner appreciate having one less thing to do, but it’s also empowering to know that you could walk in the other person’s shoes should you ever need to – plus, there’s no need to remember to ask someone else to do something for you. No one feels sexy after nagging or being nagged for dinner night after night, or to take out the trash or mow the lawn, and the fix is simple – do things for one another without being having to be asked. It’s one small step toward a nag-free world – a world in which there’s lots of sexy time.

Love notes are a do.

There’s nothing sexier than finding a racy note that was written (and hidden safely out of the reach of the kids) just for you. More fun: Those same love notes via text message. Just be careful to double-check the name in the To field before hitting the send button each time and you’re good to go.

Everyday sexy.

We’re all too busy, right? But how long does it take to feed each other dessert after the kids have gone to bed – the same dessert you could have just as easily wolfed down at the dinner table? Or to have an extended, no-clothes-or-kids-allowed round of board game night? Or to take those morning showers together rather than separately (before the kids come bounding out of bed, of course). You get my drift. The return on the investment of just a few extra minutes of forethought each day are, to say the least, exciting.

What do you think? Are these tips silly or sexy? I’d love to hear some of your ideas in the comments.