Safe Harbor: How to Help Young Children Feel Secure
Our daily lives, regardless of age and stage, are full of highs and lows, challenges and glimmers. For young children, these emotional moments can be particularly overwhelming. It is in these moments that they look to us, their caregivers, for safety and support. There is nothing quite like a small child leaning into you when they are hurt or reaching for you when they are tentatively testing a new skill like crawling. You feel, in your heart, chosen. It’s an honor to be their safe harbor. So how do we cultivate that relationship with children?
Get on their level
Towering over a child does not create feelings of safety. Make yourself more approachable by sitting down on the ground or in a low chair. Free to crawl or toddle up to you, they may choose to climb into your lap or simply observe you from a distance. Be patient, as even the most outgoing child may need some time to size you up. Given time, you will be trusted as a safe harbor.
Radiate calm contentment
Children will match your energy. If you are loud, energetic or up in their space, you can put a hesitant child even more on edge. Sitting in a relaxed way, build with a few blocks or flip through a nearby book. As you show yourself to be calm, you may be invited into play by the child or at the very least enjoy some brief, cheeky glances. Personally, I approach children the same way I might approach a cat. I want my body language to say, “You’re welcome to come over here, but it’s OK if you don’t.”
Be encouraging and kind
Tone is one of the languages first understood by children. A little baby can be upset by harsh voices and, even as adults, we can be calmed by a softly spoken affirmation. When you speak with a young child, using a tone that speaks to wisdom, warmth and authoritative guidance will carry you far. Even when redirecting or addressing a behavior, we can utilize this consistent pattern of speech to create connection. And where there is connection, there is peace.
Don’t take it personally
Finally, try to remember that your teething toddler, your impulsive 3-year-old or hangry 2-year-old is not enjoying being dysregulated. A few minutes of slowing down, empathizing with their feelings and meeting their needs will not only smooth the rest of your day, but cement the feeling within them that no matter what may come their way, you are there to help.
When your children can trust you’re a safe place for big feelings, they will feel empowered to take steps, learn and grow, knowing you will always be there to catch them if they fall. It’s hard to imagine any honor in life more worthwhile than that.
Alicia Kobilnyk is an Early Childhood Educator who works with young toddlers. She finds joy and inspiration to write in their cheeky shenanigans, as well as those of her three daughters.
