Twelve Pieces of Advice to My Younger Self

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. I have a strict policy against giving unsolicited advice, but in this case, I think it’s permissible since I’m talking to my younger self. If anyone else wants to listen and possibly learn from my mistakes, then that’s even better. Here are the things I wish I’d known or done when I was younger.

1. Have confidence in yourself.

Many of my regrets come from not having had the confidence to take risks or pursue challenges.

2. Get the best education or training possible.

I often took the easy way out because I didn’t think I was smart enough (see #1) to take the tougher courses. I wish I’d pursued the career I secretly dreamed of having. Maybe I would have failed, but at least I would have tried.

3. Always be prepared to take care of yourself.

In my generation, it was common for women to marry young and become stay-at-home mothers. That’s a valid choice if it works out for you, but what happens in the case of divorce or the death of a spouse? I could never have predicted I would end up as a single mother with two young kids. I was happy to have a degree, so I wasn’t starting over without a base, but I also wasn’t fully prepared to take care of myself and two children. With the new trend of “trad wives,” I worry that some will be left unprepared to take care of themselves if disaster strikes.

4. Save a percentage of your paycheck.

My dad began advising me to do this as soon as I started my first job out of college. I was too busy being thrilled to finally have my own money to spend any way I chose to pay attention to my dad’s boring but wise advice. As usual, my dad was right.

5. Wear sunscreen.

In this case, I should have listened to my mother. I was a lifeguard in the summers throughout high school and college. I remember one day, as I was headed out the door to go to my lifeguarding job, my mother again warned me that if I kept baking myself, I would be a wrinkled prune by the time I was thirty. I laughed and said, “I look good now, so who cares what I look like at thirty?” Well, here I am at 67, and we see how well that worked out for me. Mother knows best.

6. Travel as much as you can.

I was late to the travel game and have been trying to catch up in the last ten years. I envy the friends who traveled around Europe with backpacks right after college, staying in youth hostels as they explored the world. I eventually did travel to Europe with only a backpack and no reservations, but I was in my 50s. It was fun, but I was less adaptable (I needed a soft bed and my own bathroom) than I had been in my 20s. Travel gives you a broader perspective and understanding of different cultures and people.

7. It’s OK to make mistakes.

If there’s a way to live a life without making a mistake, I haven’t discovered it. The key is recovering from said mistake, apologizing if appropriate, and then picking yourself up and moving on. Sometimes a mistake requires a complete pivot, changing the course of your life. That pivot may lead you to a place better than you imagined. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

8. It’s never too late.

There are some exceptions, but for the most part, don’t let age stop you. I did fairly well with this one, but I want to keep improving. I went back to graduate school as a single mom in my thirties. I started triathlons in my 50s and published my first book in my 60s. There’s still so much I want to do, and I must keep reminding myself that as long as I’m breathing, it’s not too late.

9. Don’t worry about what others think.

I spent too much time worrying about what other people might be thinking of me. In reality, they probably spent very little time thinking about me because they were too busy thinking about themselves! Live your authentic life and be true to yourself.

10. Be kind.

I believe in going out of my way to be kind, kinder than necessary. However, too often I compromised my beliefs to be the nice girl. Don’t equate kindness with being a doormat. Trying too hard to be the nice girl meant I didn’t always stand up for myself. I’ve come to understand silence is complicity, and I now own the strength to speak up for myself and my beliefs.

11. Who you marry impacts everything.

Choose your life partner wisely because that choice affects everything in your life. Who you choose at eighteen is rarely who you would choose at thirty. Marriage is like a lifelong conversation. It works best with someone you respect and someone who is your true friend.

12. Life is a rollercoaster.

It’s not always going to be perfect or exciting, but during the downtimes, keep in mind that the good times will eventually come your way again. The phrase, “This too shall pass,” has become a cliché for a reason.

It’s almost impossible to live a life with no regrets. What would our lives be like if we could go back and live our lives over with the knowledge and experience we have towards the end of our lives? Maybe it’s better that we struggle through and figure it out as we go. I like to think that all my experiences, both positive and negative, formed the person I became. Would the eighteen-year-old me listen to the sixty-seven-year-old me? Probably not. What advice would you give your younger self?