The Importance of Showing Up

My grandson was receiving a reading award at the end-of-the-month assembly. His parents, little sister, my husband, and I filed into the crowded gym and found fold-up chairs to sit on. It was a standing-room-only crowd of proud parents and grandparents, so we were lucky to have seats! We sat in the claustrophobically tight gym for about thirty minutes to catch that brief moment of hearing our grandson’s name announced and seeing him receive his award. It was worth it to see his excitement.

To understand the importance of showing up, you only have to attend a recital, sporting event, or recognition assembly. Each time we go to one of our grandkids’ events, I see them searching the audience for familiar faces. I love the moment when they spot us! It’s a look that only lasts for a second, maybe less, but it’s worth everything. The look on their faces says everything I need to know. They feel loved and valuable.

I remember my dad being at every single swim meet I was in. He even sat in the stands and watched many of my (boring) workouts.  He kept a journal with the events I swam and my times from each swim meet, charted my progress, and discussed ways to improve.  I’m sad to say there was a stage when I was a teenager that I was sometimes embarrassed that my dad was always there. As an adult, I know how fortunate I was to have a parent who made the effort to show up. In some ways, I think I knew it even back then.

Barriers to being there

Showing up isn’t always as easy as it sounds. I missed a few things when my kids were young, and I was working at a job I couldn’t easily take time away from. One day, my mother was picking them up from ballet because I was working. I had no idea they were having a small recital in class that day, or I would have found a way to be there!  Fortunately, my mom was there in time to see the performance, but my kids were hurt because I wasn’t there. They reminded me of it many times over the years until it became a family joke. Whenever they wanted to get under my skin, they would say, “Hey, Mom, remember that time you didn’t show up for our ballet recital?” They know my “single working mom” guilt complex is still alive and well all these years later and they play to that.

Another roadblock is divorce. In an amicable divorce, there isn’t a problem. Both parents can show up to support their children or grandchildren. That’s the ideal situation. It’s best for our children if we can put aside our personal issues and act in their best interests. When that’s impossible, work out a schedule and take turns showing up for your child.

What if you have multiple children or grandchildren involved in activities? This can lead to scheduling overload and burnout. In the last soccer season, we knew one family with three kids playing games simultaneously on different fields but, fortunately, at the same venue. They had grandparents involved, so either a parent or a grandparent covered all three games every Saturday. I was impressed but not envious of what it took to manage that schedule!

When you can’t show up

When you cannot show up, explain it to your child and apologize. Most kids past preschool age will understand. Communication is the key. Look for alternatives. If possible, have a family member attend in your place. Another option is to ask another parent to take pictures or a video on their phone and send it to you. You can look at the pictures or video with your child that evening. Carve out time to hear about the event so you can experience it through your child’s eyes.

Be sensitive to those kids who never have a family member available to show up for events. Take a moment to congratulate them on their award or performance. Take a picture of them and send it to their parent. Make them feel seen and acknowledged. It doesn’t take much to make a child feel special.

Showing up is important. Be there when you possibly can, but forgive yourself when you can’t. My kids’ and grandkids’ events take priority on my calendar, but even with the best intentions, I sometimes miss an event. That’s life. It’s impossible to be a perfect parent or grandparent, but there are hundreds of ways to be a good one. Showing up is a big step in the right direction! The reward for showing up comes when they see me in the audience, and their eyes light up. That’s better than money in the bank!