Six Ways to Stay Connected with Older Grandchildren

When my grandson was a toddler and a preschooler, he treated the arrival of my husband and me as if we were the Beatles coming to America for the first time. Even if we saw him the day before, when we walked in the door, he would jump up and down and scream our names. We were rock stars in his life. I enjoyed my brief stint of being popular. He still loves us, but at eight years old, his world has become bigger. We’re still bonded, but it has me thinking, how do we stay relevant and connected in our grandchildren’s lives as they get older? Here are six ways I plan to try.

1. Show up

Continue to show up as long as possible. There will probably be a time when they don’t want you to volunteer at their school, but until then, show up for school activities. Go to their games, their school parties, their concerts, plays, and recitals!

2. Show interest in their hobbies

Maybe you don’t care one thing about tennis, but it doesn’t matter; ask questions about their interests, hobbies, friends, and school activities. My grandson went through a stage where he was obsessed with Minecraft. I have less than zero interest in Minecraft, but I sat with him as he explained it, and I even tried to play it. Get into their world.

3. One-on-one time

This is difficult if you have many grandchildren, but it’s important to carve out special time with each child. This sends the message that they matter to you. Being alone with each child provides an opportunity to get to know them on a deeper level. You can talk to one another without interruptions and focus on what they are feeling and saying. Feeling heard is closely linked to feeling loved.

4. Develop special rituals together

My grandson spends the night with me every Saturday night and has since he was six months. I keep expecting him to tire of it, but I see no signs of it yet. It makes me happy that he still loves that tradition. We also have a special restaurant that we both love, and no one else in the family likes, so that’s a bond we share. Find a tradition, even if it’s as simple as playing chess or taking walks together.

5. Communication

If you live far away from your grandchild, write letters, text, Facebook time with them, have Zoom calls, whatever it takes to stay in touch. I only got to see my grandmother once a year, but I always felt close to her because she wrote chatty letters and expressed an interest in my life.

6. Continue established family traditions

Even if your grandchild is busy and doesn’t always attend family dinners or celebrations, having these events is an important part of family identity and connection. The foundation of a close family is always felt, and at times, it may seem they don’t care, but on some level, it provides a sense of stability and security.

Don’t let your feelings be hurt when you are no longer the main attraction.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it just means they are doing what is natural and healthy — developing their own lives. I miss being the rock star I was to my grandson when he was three and four, but I’m also realistic enough to know relationships change with time.

It’s to be expected that teenagers will become busy with their hobbies and interests, and grandparents may temporarily take a back seat, but don’t get discouraged. Respect their growing independence and give them space while also staying as involved as possible. It may be difficult to find the desired balance. Play the long game. That may seem like a risk since we’re aging as well, but as they get older, trust that they will cherish their relationship with you even more if you keep up your efforts to stay connected. Grandchildren and grandparents share a special bond, but like all relationships, it sometimes needs patience, effort, and nurturing. It’s worth the effort!

Reminiscing about my grandparenting popularity era