Six Things We’ve Learned Since Moving Close to Our Grandkids

A year ago this week, we moved to the same neighborhood as our grandchildren. It was all part of our long-term plan to buy a house that would make it easier to “age in place.” We had many requirements when choosing a new home, but the main priority was to be within the same square mile as our daughter and her family. When a house came on the market two blocks from them, was one story, and had room for a pool, we knew we’d found “the one!” Now that we’ve been living within walking distance of our grandchildren for a year, I will answer the question of whether it’s possible to live too close to your grandchildren.

The process of downsizing and moving closer to our grandchildren began two years ago. Looking back on it, I am so glad I didn’t know how difficult getting to this point would be. I’m afraid I would have balked at the enormity of the project and stayed where I was. That would have been a mistake. We were in a house that was perfect when we were young and raising children but had become burdensome as we were aging. We had filled up all the spaces with “stuff” that was no longer needed but was hard to eliminate. I’m almost embarrassed with the amount of junk we had to give away or trash, but we did it and haven’t missed anything.

We essentially bought the location, and it happened to have a house on the lot. It was a very old house, built the same year I was born, so it had some aging issues, but we do also, so we’re in sync. It met our most important requirement of a close walk to see our grandkids. The bonus has been that we love our neighborhood and all of our neighbors. It feels like a community, a throwback to my own childhood when neighbors chatted over the fence and occasionally borrowed a cup of sugar. My grandson’s best friend lives across the street from me, and sometimes, I hear my grandson’s voice coming from the neighbor’s yard. More times than I can count, I have been washing dishes, looking out the kitchen window, and have seen my daughter or her husband walking the dogs down the street. Last summer, I heard a knock on my front door and a soft voice saying, “Grandmom, can I come in and have a cookie?” Those casual, unplanned moments assure me we made the right decision.

We didn’t live that far away before, but being so close makes everything easier. Favorite stuffed animals are forgotten at our house, or one of us needs to borrow a last-minute ingredient for dinner? It’s no problem to run something right over. The parents are going grocery shopping, and one of the kids doesn’t want to go? Just drop them off on the way. We had a pool built in our backyard, guaranteeing even more visits from our kids and grandkids this summer.

After living close to our grandkids for a year, I have some tips if you’re considering a similar move.

1. Communicate

Before you set the wheels in motion for a move, talk to your child and their partner. Propose the idea and then give them some time to discuss it privately. It may take them some time to weigh the pros and cons. I think your child’s partner, in our case, our son-in-law, gets an extra vote. It’s one thing to have your parents live close by, and it’s another to have your in-laws as part of your daily life. We assured our daughter and her husband that there would be no hard feelings if they vetoed the idea of us being neighbors. We were lucky that we had a close relationship with our son-in-law and maybe even more fortunate that he grew up with his grandmother on the next block. He thinks it is normal for kids to see their grandparents every day, so he enthusiastically gave us the green light.

2. Boundaries

Most families need a few boundaries, such as calling or texting before coming over. We are more casual than that, and we’re okay with drop-ins. I read about one set of grandparents who live next door to their grandkids, and they use a flag system. If the grandkids are welcome to drop in, the green flag is up. I don’t need a flag system, but I do have other boundaries and have voiced them. A few times, maybe more than a few times, I have bluntly (but nicely) said that it was time for my daughter and her family to go home. I have a chaos limit that hovers around three hours, depending on the time of the day and the sugar intake of the children. If it’s after 9 p.m., it’s time for me to be in bed with a good book.

3. Communicate

I know I already said this, but it’s so vital that it deserves repeating. It is essential to discuss what your role will be as a neighbor and grandparent. How involved do you want to be, and how much babysitting are you willing to do? Childcare could become a sticky issue when you are neighbors. My family knows I’m not up for full-time child care, but I like babysitting for two or three hours. Being so close means I am available for a school pick-up or drop-off or a ride to an activity. I love those opportunities. Communicate your preferred grandparenting role and your limits.

4. Expectations

This overlaps with communicating and boundaries, but it’s a bit more nebulous. If the two families aren’t on the same page with expectations, it can lead to disappointments. If you’re expecting daily involvement and your adult kids are happy with a weekly visit, there is going to be frustration and disappointment. Do you have a shared vision of what you want from a multigenerational family relationship? It’s vitally important to go into being neighbors with similar views.

5. Time will change the relationship

We are in the stage when the grandkids are young, and they think coming to our house is great fun. Although my six-year-old grandson likes to say he will still be coming for Saturday night sleepovers when he’s a teenager, we know his priorities will change. They should. Right now, my husband and I are in our 60s, and we’re healthy and independent. That may change in the next twenty years, and we may need our adult kids and grandkids to assist us in some ways. We’re our own little village.

6. Cookies

You will need to keep the cookie jar full for those precious moments when there’s a knock on your door and a little voice says, “Grandmom, can I have a cookie?”

Is it possible to live too close to your grandchildren? I’m sure the answer is yes for some families. But after a year, our answer would be an enthusiastic no. Two blocks may be too far away for us. In fact, I’m wondering if we can convince our daughter and her husband to move next door when a house comes on the market!