Preventing Teen Sexual and Dating Violence

Keeping children safe is a top priority of parents and caregivers. However, as kids grow older and venture out on their own, the world can become more complicated and the risks less obvious. Unfortunately, for many Oklahoma teens, sexual and dating violence is one of those risks, and it’s a very real problem. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, which makes it a good time to explore this important issue and what can be done to prevent it.

Defining the Problem

While the definition of sexual and dating violence might seem self-evident, in reality, many less obvious behaviors qualify. It’s important to understand that assault and violence can take many forms.

Sexual violence broadly includes any type of unwanted sexual contact such as sexual abuse, assault and harassment. This can range from rape (or attempted rape) and unwanted sexual contact or touching to nonconsensual image sharing (including AI generated images) and using drugs or alcohol to force a sexual act.

Dating or relationship violence is a pattern of coercive, intimidating or manipulative behaviors used to exert power and control over a current or former romantic partner. It encompasses a broad range of behaviors that may include physical violence, sexual violence, emotional violence, stalking and digital abuse (using technology and/or social media to intimidate, harass or threaten).

A 2021 Youth Risk Behavior Survey by the Oklahoma State Department of Health found that one in five public high school students reported having experienced some form of sexual violence, with one in ten having experienced dating violence. Females are more likely than males to have encountered this type of violence, and it disproportionally affects populations that have been historically marginalized, such as people with disabilities, people of color, and gender and sexual minorities. Although the sexual violence is often carried out by their peers, 8 percent of public high school students reported that an adult or person at least five years older than them was the perpetrator.

While the Youth Risk Behavior Survey was limited to high school students, this type of violence isn’t. According to Lori Gonzalez, Domestic Violence and Intervention Services’ (DVIS) vice president of advocacy services, kids as young as 12 and 14 are also experiencing physical and sexual abuse.

Because sexual and dating violence can look so many different ways, it’s not always easily recognized. Gonzalez emphasizes that it’s important for parents to be aware of what is going on in their child’s life. For example, power and control dynamics in a relationship can often indicate a bigger problem.

“With our youth that are experiencing dating violence, it looks a little bit different than what we see on the big screen,” she notes. “They may experience things like having a partner that tracks their social media and demands to be on their social media. They may have a partner that calls them constantly and is really jealous.”

Repercussions

Adolescent victims of sexual and dating violence can have mental and physical health consequences that last well beyond the act itself. They’re 66 percent more likely than their peers to experience symptoms of depression, and a full 52 percent of them consider or attempt suicide. A high percentage also experience anxiety, engage in unhealthy behaviors and exhibit antisocial behaviors.

Violence in adolescent relationships also sets the stage for future relationship problems. Youth who are victimized are at a higher risk for re-victimization during their college years. This can range from sexual assault to rape.

Recognizing Relationship Violence

Teens who are involved with abusive dating relationships are often afraid or reluctant to tell their parents or another adult for fear of being judged, not believed or having their experiences minimized. However, you can’t address a problem until you recognize it. There are a number of behaviors that can indicate a problem.

Adolescents who are victims of dating violence may become isolated from friends and family, lose interest in activities they used to enjoy, apologize and make excuses for their dating partner’s behavior, or have unexplained bruises or injuries. Their dating partners may call them names or demean them in public, exhibit extreme jealousy, or constantly monitor the victim through phone calls, texts or other people.

Response & Prevention

Responding and preventing teen sexual and dating violence is a multi-pronged approach. Education is key, not just for potential victims, but also for teachers, friends and family who want to help. Teaching kids safe and healthy relationship skills is crucial. Towards this end, DVIS Education Outreach Coordinator, Annie Bast, brings the organization’s healthy relationship curriculum into a number of schools in the greater Tulsa area.

“We talk about all kinds of things, whether it’s healthy relationships, or online safety,” she says.

The curriculum also features reality-based activities, including a game called “Red Flag, Green Flag,” which presents real life scenarios. These can be as simple as talking about what to do if your partner is rude to strangers, and whether that behavior is okay. According to Bast, these types of conversations open the door for more communication, which is also a vital part of prevention. When adolescents feel comfortable talking to the adults in their lives about a wide range of topics, it opens the door for ongoing conversations about their own experiences.

Gonzalez believes it’s important to educate, empower and encourage students to be good bystanders and friends who are willing to help when their own friends are in need. The curriculum Bast teaches focuses on this, as well.

Responsible and trusted adults, as well as proactive peers, can and do make a difference, according to Gonzalez.

“What I’ve found is that there are one or two teachers at schools that kids really trust, and they will go talk to that teacher. Teachers can be good support,” she says. “Students may also find good support within their church community, and parents may be good support, but I think we are living in a time where people need to be good bystanders and help their fellow man, and that starts with teaching our kids how to support others in situations like this.”

Resources for Help

DVIS: dvis.org, call the 24-hour information and crisis line at 918.7HELP.ME (918.743.5763) or text “SAFE” to 207-777 to communicate with a DVIS advocate daily between the hours of 8 p.m. and 1 a.m.

Oklahoma Safe Line: 1.800.522.SAFE (7233)

National Dating Abuse Hotline: 1.866.331.9474 or text 77054.

Julie Wenger Watson is a freelance writer who’s worked in all aspects of music promotion. She’s also Co-Director of “Live From Cain’s,” a public radio show pilot.