Not So Rosy
I never wanted to be the kind of blogger that is always painting a rosy picture of family life because let’s face it, it’s not always rosy, is it?
You’ve seen in many of my blogs how I gush over my two children. And that has always been completely honest. And I want you to feel like you can always trust what I tell you, so with that, I’m going to tell you some not-so-rosy family stuff. And it’s no surprise to me, since I was not always the happy, shiny person you see before you today that my offspring might give me worries.
We all love to look back on our childhood and smile at the fun and loving times in our lives. But do you every look back on your any part of your childhood and find yourself trying to fight your own brain and think of other, happier thoughts? I do. And I bet you do, too. Because none of us are perfect. Neither were our parents. Neither were our siblings, friends, teachers, coaches, etc. I remember saying some really mean things to my mom and dad, sister and brother. I did some things as a child to some friends and teachers that I truly regret. Things I did as an eleven-year-old that haunts me to this day.
I am telling you all this because as I mention above, it’s no surprise to me, since I was not the greatest kid, that sometimes my eleven-year-old son says and does truly awful things to me. We have gone to many counselors, I have gone to countless parenting classes, my awesome friends who have kids have given me boundless advice and even though I do not have any family in Tulsa I have a small support system that I can call if/when things get real, well…. real!
The saying, “It takes a village” is true! (Eh, Gretchen Blackmon?)
You should never feel broken to ask for help. Most of us probably do feel that way by nature, but if you need help, ask! Ask anybody, family, friends, professionals, clergy, neighbors, etc. The smiles and help you get back can help talk you off that ledge. I have asked for help from people in all those wonderful categories and I still seem to hit a brick wall with my son. The only thing I feel I have left to try is let someone else try.
I will not comment on my son’s mother. We had (and continue to have) a lengthy legal battle for custody, so if you’re curious enough you can come to your own conclusions on the Oklahoma Supreme Court Network. What I can tell you is that I have sole legal custody of my son, so the judge put her trust in me to do what’s best for him, which is another reason why this decision is so hard. However, after discussing this with others, I have come to the conclusion that an alternative school setting is what is best at this time. If I had tons of money, I could send him to a super elite private school that costs $10,000-$25,000 a year, but that just isn’t possible.
My son is a citizen of the Cherokee Nation and by the grace of God and the tribe, they have an alternative boarding school that is non-profit, and that has a space for him for no cost. The decision was been tough, but necessary, and I feel it’s the right thing for him at this point in his life. I wanted to share this with you because this blog is about being a single rock n’ roll dad in Tulsa. And as much fun with my kids as I have shown you all, I wanted to also show you the not-so-fun side of parenting. More than likely, you’re shaking your head right now agreeing with me. Raising kids isn’t always full of Participation Awards, Father of the Year trophies, A+ on tests, and a perfect piano recital. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I just don’t want to be that kind of blogger that paints a perfect picture of parenting.
Do you ever see a person’s social media page that makes that person seem like everything is absolutely perfect in their lives? Millennials and Gen-Z’ers have not known life without the internet and social media. The social media travel blog from Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie was full of extremely happy videos of a young couple in love. Then we saw the bodycam footage from the police officers that detained them after a domestic violence call.
I won’t get into much detail about my family’s hard times, but suffice it to say, we have them. And I bet you do, too. The point of all this is to reach out to that mom, dad, grandparent, whoever might be taking care of children that if you need help and are too afraid, or ashamed to ask for help, don’t be. For what’s best for your kids. I asked for help; you can, too.