Kinder Than Necessary

Call me a bleeding heart, an empath, a softie, or an old hippie. I’m not offended by the truthful labels. I want a “happily ever after” ending to my books and movies. I want families to be happy and for all children to be loved unconditionally.  As a grandparent, I am concerned about the world my grandchildren will inherit. It eases my worried soul when I find kindness in unexpected people and places. Being kinder than necessary is a good way to live your life.

If I hadn’t known my desire for goodness in everything was unrealistic, the last year has opened my eyes to the cruelties in the world. Yet, I remain undaunted in my search for kindness. Serendipitous glimpses of benevolence and compassion warm my heart.

My Brother

I’ve done some self-reflection on why kindness is so valuable to me, and I think it has to do with my brother. My younger brother has a host of disabilities, including intellectual and physical. Perhaps the worst has been mental health issues that have plagued him mercilessly. Because of my close relationship with my brother, I have witnessed verbal cruelties flung his way. Each hateful arrow that was launched at him pierced my heart.

Being David’s sister is integral to who I am. Good or bad, my personality was formed in great part because of being the sibling of a person with disabilities. I know I’m not alone. All siblings influence one another and play a significant role in shaping how we see the world and interact with others. It’s inevitable that the people who are ever-present in our early years have a profound effect on who we become. It may be even more true when there is a sibling who has a disability.

Because of David, I try to always give people the benefit of the doubt. I’m aware that not all disabilities are visible. Beyond that, we never know what silent struggles a person is experiencing. I’m more sensitive than I probably should be, but I hope that translates into greater compassion. I choose friends who have open hearts and minds. I don’t tolerate bullies. Because of my brother, I value people who show compassion and respect to people, especially to those who have challenges.

Kindness in Action

Recently, I took my brother out to lunch to celebrate his 63^rd birthday. We went to our regular restaurant in the small town where he lives. Much like Norm in the show Cheers, it’s a place where he is always enthusiastically greeted by name. Because we eat there so often, we have a favorite waitress who seems to anticipate all our needs. She knows his limit is two cups of coffee with room for cream. She knows he needs a big stack of napkins. She knows when I order a piece of cake for my brother, that it needs to be split it into two pieces in the kitchen. Because of her consideration, we both feel seen and accepted.

Shoney’s is our “go to” when my brother and I eat out together. They are always welcoming, but for his birthday, they went beyond. The entire staff came out with a cake and sang a lively birthday song to David. He was smiling from ear to ear and bobbing his head to the music. David can’t communicate well verbally, but no words were necessary to express his happiness. This act of kindness may seem insignificant to some, but for my brother and me, it meant the world.

Model Kindness

I rejoice when I find kindness in unexpected places, such as the small-town restaurant mentioned above. It reminds me that even when bullying and cruelty seem to dominate, there are still many wonderful people in the world. Maybe more importantly, it reminds me to be a person who commits small acts of kindness. If we want the children in our lives to be kind, we need to model that behavior. We can say all the right words, but it’s our actions that they will emulate.

Be a “kinder than necessary” role model for your kids and grandkids by taking the grocery cart to the corral, giving a compliment to a friend, volunteering for good causes, taking your neighbor a baked treat, inviting someone who is lonely to have coffee, leaving a treat for delivery people, tipping generously, or sending an appreciative note to your child’s teacher. These seem like insignificant acts, but they add up to a better community. Your kindness may mean the world to someone else. Maybe I’m a Pollyanna, but I love the idea of committing random acts of kindness. We may not be able to change the world, but we can make the day brighter for one person at a time.