Happy Valentine’s Day, Fellow Host Wombs!

On this most romantic of holidays, I want to thank State Rep. Justin Humphrey (R-Lane) for clarifying my place in my relationship with my guy. As host womb to his children, I now have no doubt about the special place I must hold in my husband’s heart; although, now that we’re finished having children, I can’t help but wonder if my husband might need to go out in search of a new host.

It’s only right that Humphrey’s House Bill 1441 is scheduled to be heard in committee this morning on Valentine’s Day! Knowing that Rep. Humphrey is looking after my best interests as a woman and as the host in my relationship makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Guys, what do you get the host womb in your relationship? Flowers? Chocolates? Or maybe an STD. Apparently, Rep. Humphrey believes that the man has no responsibility in the pregnancy other than to give his permission for the baby to be born. As Rep. Humphrey so eloquently stated (as quoted in the Tulsa World), “I understand that they feel like that is their body. I feel like it (I guess “it” would be the womb) is a separate – what I call then is, is you’re a ‘host.’ And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host, and so, you know, if you preknow that, then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant…But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.”

So, ladies, it’s up to you. You know when you’re acting irresponsibly and not using birth control, or trying to trap your guy by getting pregnant. And, oh, my, my, I know how emotional and hysterical we women can be – we just can’t control ourselves. When we’re with that special guy, we just may throw caution to the wind and end up with a little surprise in our host womb. So, when you “preknow” that you’re going to get pregnant, then you become the “host” to the man’s fetus. So, at that point, the man takes charge. Because all men are upstanding, caring individuals who, while taking no responsibility for birth control themselves, will definitely want you to have that baby and take care of it.

I submit that we should enact a new holiday, maybe three months after Valentine’s Day when the emotion of the romance hits the hard, cold reality that a pregnancy may have resulted from the irresponsibility of women. We could call it “Humphrey Host Day” in honor of House Bill 1441.

So, thank you, Rep. Humphrey, for taking care of my body and making sure that my man gets final say over what happens to it.