Five Consequences of Being an Older Grandparent

I’m just trying to stay fit enough to keep up with them!

There have been many times I’ve wished I had more energy to keep up with my grandkids. It would have been great to have been a grandparent in my forties or fifties when I was still in my prime. However, that would have meant becoming a mother in my early twenties, which didn’t fit my life situation. My family tends to be on the plan that procreates every thirty years instead of every twenty, so here I am at 66 with a seven-year-old grandson and a three-year-old granddaughter. I often wonder if they’re keeping me young or making me old before my time.

There is a trend toward people being older when they become grandparents. The mean age of women becoming first-time mothers reached a historic high of  27.3 in 2021. The lowest mean age for first-time mothers was 24.4 in 1973 and 1974. The increasing age of parents directly correlates to people becoming grandparents later also. Are there advantages to being older when becoming a grandparent, or is it primarily negative? I find both to be true; there are advantages and disadvantages to being an older grandparent. These are five consequences of being an older grandparent.

1. Time

Being older can mean the advantage of being retired and having more time to spend with the grandkids. Because I’m retired, I have the time and flexibility to help take kids to tennis and ballet, babysit, or do a last-minute school run. I wouldn’t have had the luxury of time when I was still working. Several of my friends have grandchildren who live out of state, but they can travel to see them for a week or two because they are retired.

2. Energy

I’m 66 and have noticed a decrease in my energy in the last few years. When my grandkids come to spend time with me, I try to compensate for my decreasing energy by planning a mix of active and more sedentary activities. We swim or play for a few hours, then switch to quieter activities such as reading, science experiments, baking, or playing with kinetic sand. Sometimes, I wish I could have been a younger, more energetic grandparent, but having young, active grandkids does help with motivation to stay reasonably fit. I have to keep exercising so I can attempt to keep up with them.

3. Financial Stability

Although this is not true for everyone, being older might mean the ability to help the younger generations financially. Many grandparents contribute to college funds, pay for extras like lessons, or help with necessities such as rent and food. According to a recent AARP survey, 94% of grandparents provide some financial support to the younger generation. Financial support may also be given indirectly in the form of childcare.

4. Priorities

As we age, we understand more clearly what is essential for happiness. By this time in life, the less critical time suckers have been weeded out, and we know what we want to do with our finite emotional, financial, and energy resources. Saturday nights used to be about going out, but now we’re perfectly content with our weekend ritual of Hideaway pizza and sleepovers with the grandkids. Our priorities have changed as we’ve aged. Families and close relationships are linked to healthy and happier aging, so time spent with the grandchildren is an investment for us as well as them.

5. Sands in the Hourglass

One day, when I was driving my grandson to tennis lessons, he asked if I would someday drive his kids to tennis. I did the math in my head and realized that would probably not happen. (The average life span for women in the US is 79.3 years.) It was a moment of sad reality I felt in my core, but I just smiled and said I hoped I would. The fact is, I’ll be beating the odds to live long enough to see my grandkids grow up! If only it were possible to slow down the trickle of sand in my life hourglass.

It’s hard to imagine that if I died now, they would probably have almost no memory of me. Yes, I realize that sounds pretty narcissistic, and I guess it is. I want to witness their childhoods and at least get a glimpse into who they will become as adults. We have a close relationship, and I may have an inflated sense of self-importance, but I believe we’re also essential to them. Having grandparents involved is a good thing. I don’t think many people reflect on their childhoods and wish they didn’t have so many people loving them.

Being an older grandparent has positive and negative consequences. I can’t change time, so I adapt, appreciate the benefits, and am grateful for having grandkids in my life. I trust I am where I’m supposed to be, and my grandchildren were born when it was their time.

Mutually Beneficial

It’s well established that having a good relationship with grandparents provides many positive outcomes for children. However, it’s not only the children who benefit. There are significant positive results for grandparents closely involved with their grandchildren. An active grandparenting role gives a sense of purpose to the older generation, creates stronger social connections, and helps stave off depression. One study showed a higher cognitive functioning among older women who cared for a grandchild one day a week, but it showed the opposite effect in older women who provided full-time child care. Studies also showed a positive correlation between active grandparenting and longevity, so maybe I will beat the averages and live long enough to see them become adults.

This answers my initial question: Are my grandkids keeping me young or making me old before my time? Some days, it doesn’t feel like it, but I’m convinced my grandkids are keeping me younger and healthier. As a big bonus, they are making life so much more fun!