Are You a Living Room Family or a Bedroom Family?

When I was a teenager, I frequently visited a friend’s house. I always thought it was a little odd that everyone in her family was always in their bedrooms, never in the common living areas. Sometimes I had dinner with them, and although they would eat together, they immediately scurried back to their bedrooms after dinner. That included the parents. My family was the opposite. We hung out in the kitchen and den, reading, watching television, talking, and doing homework until bedtime. I didn’t hear this difference in family styles described until recently, when I read about the distinction between living room families and bedroom families.

My family was a living room family except for during good weather, when we became a backyard family. Obviously, my friend’s family was a bedroom family. After reading a little more about these differences, I wondered why some families are bedroom families and others are living room families. These are a few factors that influence the style.

1. Advent of technology

This is only a hypothesis, but I believe the advancement of technology has contributed to the rise of bedroom families. Kids and parents all have their personal devices and watch them separately. Most middle-class families now have multiple televisions, tablets, laptops, and smartphones. When I was growing up, most families had only one television, which was typically located in the den or living room.

2. Housing sizes

The size of houses may also reflect an increase in “bedroom” families. In the 1970s, the average size of a home in the U.S. was 1,500 square feet. It’s now over 2,600 square feet. When you live in a small house, you’re more likely to spend time together, whether you like it or not. Having a large home makes it too easy to spread out and hide in bedrooms. Family sizes have decreased, while house sizes have increased, resulting in more options for family members to spread out.

3. Decreasing family size

When I was growing up in the 1970s, it was common for families to have four children. The average was actually 2.3 kids in a family, whereas the current average is under two kids per family. Combining the decrease in the average family size with the increase in the average home size, it’s only logical that this changes the way we live. Almost everyone I knew had to share a bedroom with a sibling. I spent a lot of time at my best friend’s house while growing up. There were eight kids in her family, and they had a three-bedroom house, which meant there were four kids in each bedroom. In contrast to my above-mentioned friend, this large family spent most of their time in common areas. With the current trend of smaller family sizes, kids are more likely to have their own bedrooms, and some even have their own bathrooms.

4. Personality styles

Some people are extroverted and enjoy the chaos and constant activity that comes with being surrounded by others. Some individuals are more introverted and require more downtime, feeling recharged by spending time alone. Both styles need to be respected. I had one child who fit the category of extrovert and one who was more introverted. I tried to compromise, but it wasn’t always a perfect situation. My extroverted daughter would have been happy if we were all together constantly, whereas my introverted daughter would have loved some more alone time. We tried for a reasonable balance.

5. Tolerance for mess

Some families evolve into bedroom families because the parents have a low tolerance for the mess that coexisting in a common space typically brings. When kids, especially young kids, play, there is usually an abundance of toys, arts and crafts, puzzles, and books. This can be stressful for some adults, whereas many parents view this as a temporary stage in life. There will be many years in the future when you can enjoy a less cluttered home.

6. Age of kids

As kids get older, it is natural that they need more alone time. Homework demands increase, and the desire to communicate with peers increases. It’s normal and natural that older teens begin the separation process. However, they still need family time, even when they don’t always seem to want it.

Is one style preferable to the other, or are they just different? It’s generally considered preferable to be a living room family, but a healthy balance is fine. To build family closeness, it is essential to spend time together. If your goal is to create a family-friendly living room, make the common areas a happy and inviting place to be. Don’t be a total stickler for neatness. Having dinner together each evening may be a good balance, providing a set time to reconnect as a family. Whether you’re a bedroom family or a living room family, try to spend time together every day. It’s impossible to be a perfect family, but there are many ways to be a happy family!