Reproductive Choices



Vasectomy.  Vasectomy. Yeah, I said it. That’s a scary word in a male’s vocabulary. Vasectomy. That’s what’s on the table for me. It’s an easier procedure for me than for my wife to have her tubes tied. Be that as it may, it’s not something that I’m 100% excited about. As a family we sat down and weighed out all of our options and asked the question, “Do we want to have more children?”

It’s a choice we’re trying to be intentional about. So much so, I even spoke to my pastor about it to make sure I’m making a Biblical decision. I know that I am. If it’s God’s will for us to have more children, we will--vasectomy or not.

Nevertheless, this is something that is quite frightening to me. This is a procedure where I truly don’t want to know exactly what is going to happen until I’m undergoing the procedure. We didn’t arrive at this conclusion lightly. My wife and I spoke about so many other things that lead up to this choice. We both love being parents, and we love our daughters dearly.

But, we also know that being good parents is hard.  It is challenging. It requires a lot of responsibility I don’t want to short change our daughters, Journey and Justice, with our gifts, abilities, and resources. Being a parent can be a strain on your marriage. For us, it takes a lot of intentionality, effort, and hard work to make sure we don’t take each other for granted.

It’s important to us to lay down a great foundation for a healthy marriage. We want to exemplify a healthy marriage that’s continuing to grow. With that being said, we feel in our hearts if we have a third or fourth child it could possibly be too much for us to reasonably handle in our marriage. Would it be? Who knows. Is it worth making that decision and see what happens?  As a couple, we’re not willing to make that gamble.

After much debate, conversation, and playing out all of the different scenarios, we realized we needed to make a choice. We love our daughters and never want them to leave the baby stage, but know they are going to grow up and one day leave the house. We want to be the best possible parents to them. Adding additional children to our family could make that more of a challenge than we are willing to deal with. So, what's the option? Having a vasectomy, that’s an option.

I called the doctor and put my name on the books for a consultation. We are doing to start the process and see what happens.  It wasn’t a decision that came lightly. A part of us is going to go into mourning as we realize this might be the last time we experience this stage of our lives, this innocent stage of bring a child into the world, the breast feeding stage, the whole newness of baby smells, the clothes and the little tininess when you hold them. The twinkle in their eye when the look at you and you’re bigger than life to them. All of these stages are magical beautiful experiences when you’re dealing with infants and toddlers growing up.  We don't ever want to take that lightly. This is a huge responsibility as a parent. It’s not to be thought that you can just have it when you want it.

We want to do what’s best for our family. What's best for us is being responsible. One way of being responsible is taking action and making sure we have a vasectomy so we can have choices in our reproductive processes.  It’s not for everyone. Everyone has their own options and opinions, but for the Oliver family it’s the one that best for us.

As a personal development coach, motivational speaker, author and a stay-at-home dad, Jonathan “J.O.” Oliver helps people attain success in the midst of facing some of life’s greatest challenges.  He is happily married to Dr. Saran Oliver and together they have two adorable daughters, Journey and Justice. Being diagnosed with the gift of dyslexia and ADHD has allowed him to see what is possible rather than feel limited by his condition. Seeking to impact his passion to many, “J.O.” has authored two highly sought after books, “Joy In The Journey: 1st Year Chronicles From A Stay At Home Dad,” and “Impersonations.” His newest book, “To The Little Boy In Me: Learning with Dyslexia & ADHD” will be released in the Spring.