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Sep 27, 201111:42 AMEditor's Blog

Bully in the House! Is It You?

Sep 27, 2011 - 11:42 AM

Last week I was having a discussion, OK sort of an argument, with someone I really didn't know. I called him "crazy." Or maybe I called what he was saying "crazy." Either way, it wasn't the best way to handle a disagreement, and I'm not proud of it, even if I was in my mind thinking that what he was saying to me was not quite based in factual reality.  I'm glad there weren't any kids around to witness my extremely poor role modeling.

In retrospect, as I thought of better ways to handle my disagreement (isn't that always the case), I thought about how much we've become an "us or them" society. That's OK in football, but it can be sort of shocking to observe in other arenas. When the crowd cheered Rick Perry's death penalty comment at the Republican debate and again cheered Ron Paul when he said that he would let people die if they didn't have health insurance, I was shocked. I was surprised again that the crowd at the Florida debate would boo an American soldier because he happens to be gay.

It's no wonder that with that kind of role modeling we have problems with kids bullying other kids. People who are different from us have become "things," no longer worthy of life. My heart breaks for the family of Jamey Rodemeyer, the 14-year-old boy who killed himself because he was being bullied for being gay. Are we animals? No human being should have to endure that kind of pain, especially not a child.

It starts with parents. Children and adolescents are biologically wired to be implusive and often thoughtless. Adults like me who engage in name-calling or simplistic generalizations about others are more guilty. When we laugh at people who are different, or dehumanize others in front of our children, then we are teaching them to be reactionary rather than thoughtful. When we hear that kind of base behavior from adults on the radio or television, we should be ready to jump in and talk about how inappropriate and immature it is.

So, parents. If you're reading this, maybe you can take a pledge with me to be more aware of the messages you're sending your children, even in subtle ways. Don't raise a bully.

Sep 29, 2011 09:21 am
 Posted by  honeybeemama

I think this is great to be mindful of, and not just when it comes to namecalling OTHERS. I have been really aware lately of how hard on my children I can be, often unforgiving with high expectations. We have to be careful, even in an effort to be good disciplinarians that we aren't being cruel coaches to our kids. When I overhear one child chastising each other for not putting his toothpaste on his toothbrush the right way, that's my cue to bump up the kindness!

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About This Blog

Our editor-in-chief, Betty started working for TulsaKids when her youngest child was 3 years old. That daughter will be starting graduate school in the fall. Her son is now 27 and her middle daughter is 24. TulsaKids and her children literally grew up together (and she lived to tell about it)! Betty is an avid runner, cook (loves to eat) and coffee snob. She is an award-winning writer and most recently was honored with a Great Plains Journalism Award as Best Blogger of 2013. Last year, she wrote and illustrated her first children’s book, “May Finds Her Way” (2013 The RoadRunner Press). Watch for her every Tuesday on KTUL Channel 8’s Good Morning Oklahoma and Thursdays on KTUL’s Good Day Tulsa.

She enjoys getting reader feedback on articles, blogs or with suggestions for the magazine. Email her at

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