China Mom
Web 2012
12/30/12Playing politics with little livesThey’ve done it again. And by “they” I mean politicians. And by “it” I mean used children as pawns in their political games to make some kind of a point as they throw their weight around to show how important they can be. Yeah, Vladimir, I’m talking to you. You didn’t like the United States human rights sanctions against Russia so you banned adoptions by our country? That makes, like…no sense. Exactly whom are you punishing by this awesome act of bravado? I’ll tell you who – small children who have already been abandoned, neglected and all but forgotten. So you’ll excuse me when I fail to understand why you victimize children to make your point about human rights sanctions. All too often, governments play... |
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12/11/12The birthday treeSome interesting things happened seven years ago this week. On Friday, December 9th, I’d taken the day off from work to spend the day with my friend Dana. She and her husband were in our group of parents waiting for our babies from China. We would be traveling to adopt our daughters together. We had met at an adoption workshop earlier in the year and became fast friends. At the time, we were expecting to hear about our babies within the next few weeks. We had lunch at Café Ole and shopped along Brookside. We went into Ribbons where I saw a cute, little pink tree made out of feathers. I thought it would be a darling tree for my soon-to-be baby. But I decided to wait until the next day. So on December 10th, I returned with my husband. A good friend who... |
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11/08/12Post-Election PerspectiveI don’t get political on Facebook. I try to keep my opinions to myself. I don’t like to debate people online because it only makes me upset and causes animosity and that’s not what social media is about for me. I like to keep my “Friends” as friends. It isn't easy at times, but I find that I’m happier following my grandfather’s advice to “never discuss religion or politics.” That being said, I did type one, G-rated word when the election results were announced. Like-minded friends commented; others left me alone. My Facebook page remained civil. Earlier on Tuesday, I posted a comment about an extremely loud and irritating woman who was waiting in line to vote while I was in the booth casting my ballot. Seriously. You... |
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11/01/12The Mum MomThe following story is true, however it did not take place in Tulsa. It didn’t even take place in Oklahoma. It didn’t happen to me or anyone I know. This happened to a friend of a friend. Seriously! Let it be a cautionary tale to us all. Once upon a time, in a land not so far away lived a woman and her high-school-aged daughter. One day, the daughter came home in tears, explaining to her mother that her life was ruined and her reputation at school was at stake. The family had recently moved to this city from a farther away land and – as we all know – reputation in high school is important to many young girls. Concerned, her mother asked her to explain. What tragedy had fallen on her sweet and lovely child? “You didn’t order a homecoming... |
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10/08/12So you're thinking about being an older momI didn’t plan to be an “older mom,” it just happened that way. By the time my husband and I decided we were emotionally ready to be parents, we learned Mother Nature had other plans all along – and those plans put our plans to be parents on hold for yet another few years. By the time all those years added up I was…well, “of a certain age.” And that’s okay. I’ve never really had a problem with being an older mom. To quote reality TV, "it is what it is." And I'm not going to extol the virtues and benefits of being an older mom vs. a younger mom. I don’t really care about that because there are good and bad points on both sides of that fence and you can read about them in most any parenting site or... |
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09/25/12Dare to DreamI have exciting news! My daughter is a consultant for Disney on Ice! No really. How else do you explain Dare to Dream, the all-new live ice skating production coming to the Tulsa State Fair this weekend? Seriously – look at the line-up: Rapunzel, Tiana and Cinderella bringing memorable moments from their films to life in a skating spectacular fit for a princess. Only my daughter could dream this stuff up. Or should I say “dare to dream” this stuff up. Needless to say, we’ll be going – like I have any choice in the matter. We can’t drive past 21st & Yale without my daughter asking how many more months until she gets to go to the Fair and watch Disney on Ice again. And trust me, we go by 21st & Yale a lot throughout the year, so... |
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09/11/12Somewhere BetweenThis past weekend I had the opportunity to attend the Oklahoma screening of Somewhere Between, a documentary that follows the lives of four teenaged girls adopted from China and now living in the United States. The film is in limited release, showing in select cities in the US, but was among the films showing at the Sundance Institute Film Forward screening in Sulfur, OK last weekend. It was a long drive on a very busy weekend, but I had a hunch it would be worth the effort. I was right. Somewhere Between is a deeply emotional film that examines the core of international adoption: what does it mean to be from somewhere other than here? It’s something my daughter is beginning to struggle with – and she’s only six. More than once, she has told me that she... Posted at 08:47 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1 |
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08/21/12What is the deal with Pat Robertson?Those of us in the adoption community are probably aware of the Rev. Pat Robertson’s convoluted views of international adoption, which he shared recently on the 700 Club. They’re right up there with his cockamamie views on Alzheimer’s disease, which he made several months ago. You may recall that he told an elderly man whose wife was suffering from Alzheimer’s to divorce her, because “it was better than adultery.” Those remarks infuriated me then and they still do. Both my parents died from Alzheimer’s – first my father and then my mother two years later. One of the most heartbreaking times of my life was watching my mother wait for her husband of nearly 60 years to come back to her. She was so lost and confused and I could... Posted at 08:25 PM | Permalink | Comments: 2 |
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08/15/12Farewell summerOh, summertime – how I hate you…please don’t go! That pretty much sums up my love/hate relationship with this season. I have this romantic notion about summer: visions of lazy days spent lounging on a hammock with a book, dinners on the back patio, picnics, weekends spent by the pool. Then I walk outside and I’m hit in the face with reality. First there’s the scorching heat that sends me scurrying back inside to my air-conditioned comfort. Then there are the mosquitoes that attack the minute we set foot in our backyard. So, instead of the hammock, we spent our lazy days on the couch, ate dinner in the dining room and eventually gave up even going to the pool because even the water was too hot. But then, one glorious day, the heat broke... |
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07/11/12A sacred traditionIt’s time for a sacred tradition in our home: China Heritage Camp! Oh my yes. Around here, my daughter’s heritage is an important thing, which makes her heritage camp important as well. See, my child left her birthland when she was only eight months old. And, try as we might, it’s tough to incorporate Chinese culture into our American lifestyle. Face it – my child is growing up American. And while there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s vital that she have a connection to the Chinese part of being a Chinese American. To that end, she goes to Chinese language, dance, music and cooking classes. She does crafts and hears Chinese legends and stories. But perhaps more importantly, China Camp addresses what it means to grow up an adopted... Posted at 09:34 AM | Permalink | Comments: 1 |
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06/14/12My child is a nerdI give up. Even though she’s only six, I have to admit it: my daughter is a nerd. I’ve tried to raise a cool kid, but she just refuses to follow my teachings. Case in point: she loves to read and most of the time has her nose in a book. She has become quite adept at walking down the stairs while reading – despite our warnings that she might fall. She’s been known to walk from her room to the car without taking her eyes off of her book. Once in the car, she refuses to listen to the radio and if I have it on will often ask me to turn it of or down. The only time she said, “Ohmygosh! I love this song! Turn it up!” was when Ke$ha came on but she said it while, yes, reading a book in the backseat. Ke$ha? Really? Exhibit B: Her favorite TV... |
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06/02/12Lions and tigers and hair - oh my!We went to the circus today and it really is the greatest show on earth. All the clichés apply – there’s something for everyone going on, all the time! It's a…why, it’s a three-ring circus! We went an hour early and got to participate in the pre-show, which was a lot of fun and I highly recommend it. Piper danced with clowns, watched Kelly Ann the elephant paint a lovely painting and even did a little Kung Fu with the Shaolin Warriors. The show itself is amazing. I held my breath during the lion and tiger act. I couldn’t tell if the cats wanted to play with the Courageous Alexander or maul him when they would growl and lunge at him. Either way, he is courageous and the animals are mesmerizing. You can tell he really trusts them and... Posted at 03:40 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1 |
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05/18/12Did you know the circus is coming to town?My daughter is six and therefore knows everything. Just ask her. She’ll tell you. Rather, if you tell her something, she’ll say, “I already knew that.” For example, when I told her the circus was coming to town next month, she said, “I knew that.” I asked her how she knew that and she replied, as always, “I was born knowing that.” She’s so smart, I really don’t know why we bother with school. I asked her – since she’s so smart – what she was looking forward to the most. In case you don’t know everything, she’s looking forward to seeing the tigers the most. And the clowns. Personally, I’m a little creeped out by clowns, but I’ll put on a brave face for my daughter. Then again, she... Posted at 09:03 AM | Permalink | Comments: 1 |
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05/11/12I guess I was rightEight years ago, during one of our homestudies, our caseworker asked me what worried me the most about becoming a mom. I remember I told her that I was most concerned about the times when our daughter would be hurt or sad and I couldn’t do anything about it to make her feel better. We talked about that for a few minutes – about how that would happen throughout my daughter’s life, from the bumps and bruises of childhood to the emotional pains of adolescence and beyond. And we agreed that often there really would be nothing I could do about it other than hold her, comfort her and just be there for her. I think one of us added that those would be the times that she would grow and that might be more painful for me as her mother. After that, my caseworker... Posted at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments: 1 |
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05/04/12How she sees herselfThe other night when we were having dinner at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants, one of the staff came over to talk with us like she always does. And she spoke to my daughter in Mandarin – just a few simple phrases, nothing too complicated. And as usual, my chatty, outgoing daughter turned quiet and shy, avoiding eye contact and giving – at most – one-word answers or nodding her head. I’ve noticed she gets shy around Asians – whether they speak to her or not. With other adults, it’s all I can do to keep her from talking and sometimes hugging them, so the difference in behavior is striking. I asked my daughter if she gets nervous around Chinese people because she’s uncomfortable speaking Chinese with them. She nodded and... |
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04/20/12Spring shoppingLast weekend, my sweet husband wanted to make a “quick trip” to the Brookside Herb Festival. All he wanted to do was pick up a particular kind of tomato plant our daughter loves and we can grow in our garden and actually eat before the birds and squirrels do. But our daughter had other plans. She wanted to “shop and maybe get something to eat.” I guess she thought the Herb Festival was Utica Square. I really can’t blame her. Since she was a tiny baby in a stroller we’ve made an annual pilgrimage to the various herb festivals in the area. We shop for new plants and herbs for our garden. And yes, we often get something to eat. And our favorite – the Sand Springs Herbal Affair – is tomorrow, April 21. We can’t wait.... |
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04/09/12Crying over spilt milkThey say there’s no use crying over spilt milk, but I’m not so sure anymore. At least in some cases – like when milk has literally been spilled. By your child. And I’m not saying literally cry about it, but I am saying that maybe – just maybe – you could make some kind of a deal about it. I’ve been one of those moms who's tried not to make a big deal when my daughter makes natural mistakes. Especially when she was little – that’s to be expected and that’s how children learn. But now that she’s older, she seems to be going through a “spilling phase.” I’ve read that at six, children become clumsy and awkward – maybe all over again or for the first time. Children who never had trouble,... |
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03/21/12“It would have been true if it had happened that way”If you listen to This American Life on NPR, you’re probably aware of the recent bruhaha over a show that aired in January called “Mr. Daisey Goes to the Apple Factory.” The story was an excerpt of Mike Daisey’s acclaimed one-man show, “The Agony and the Ecstasy of Steve Jobs,” in which Daisey talks about visiting a factory in China that makes iPhones and iPads. The January broadcast detailed horrific conditions in an Apple factory called Foxconn in Shenzhen, China. The show literally – and I do mean literally – stopped me in my tracks that day when Mike Daisey described meeting a couple of underage factory workers – a 13-year-old girl and her friend who was 12. I immediately thought of my daughter. Could that have been... |
When Karen Szabo adopted her daughter Piper from China back in 2006, she didn't know she was also adopting a new passion for and interest in adoption and international adoption issues. But ever since she wrapped her arms around her sweet little girl, she's been drawn to adoption-related stories - and formed a few opinions along the way. She'll share these and write about her own experiences as an adoptive mom - and just an ordinary mom.
