May 6, 201104:12 PMChina Mom
For Mother's Day: A tale of three mothers
We recently met a woman who moved to the US from China about a year ago. She asked if Piper was from China and was a bit shocked to hear Piper answer her in Chinese – thanks to three years of Chinese lessons. Piper was able to talk with her a little bit, which they both enjoyed.
As we talked, my husband asked what brought her to America. She explained China's one-child policy and said that she had a daughter, who is now 15 years old. For many years, her mother-in-law had tried to convince her to give up her daughter in hopes of her having another child – a boy. She explained China’s preference for boys which we explained that we were well aware of.
She said she endured the pressure from her mother-in-law and eventually her husband to abandon her daughter, but she refused. She loves her daughter and would never do that. After five years, she couldn't take it any longer and finally divorced her husband.
She explained that it was difficult to be a single woman with a child in China - especially a daughter - because no man wanted to marry her. But after 10 years, she met an American who didn’t care about that.
And that’s what brought her to Tulsa.
She disagreed with her family and made a difficult, life-changing decision. Which brings me to…
So many women in China are faced with these difficult, life-changing decisions. One in particular is my daughter's birthmother.
Listening to this woman’s story and knowing how common it must be, I felt new empathy and sympathy for Piper’s bio mom. I wonder what pressure she was under while pregnant with Piper? I have no idea - I never will.
But I do know she was caught in the middle of family, culture, politics and other pressures that Westerners simply can't fathom. And I also know that because she decided to walk away from her baby girl that cold December morning back in 2005, we have…
Me. I wouldn’t be a mom if it weren’t for her and the difficult, life-changing decision she made. It not only changed her life, it changed mine. And it changed our daughter's life.
And every day, I quietly thank her for the gift that is my daughter and wish her happiness and peace. It’s the same thing I wish for all the mothers in China, regardless of the decisions they make.