Mar 2, 201103:08 PMChina Mom
All I can give is never enough
I recently read an article by a young adult woman who was adopted from Korea as a baby. She had the opportunity to find her birthmother recently and was lucky enough to not only find her, but travel to Korea and actually meet her.
She said that her birthmother started crying the minute they met and gently stroked her hand the entire time they talked. She told her about the circumstances of her birth and why she couldn’t keep her.
At the end of their meeting, her birthmother’s husband – who isn’t her birthfather – asked the young woman if she would accept him as her Korean father. That blew her away because bloodline is extremely important in Korean culture. But her biggest surprise came when they gave her their 24-karat gold wedding jewelry. She said she almost felt unworthy of their family heirloom and was speechless by the unconditional love she felt from them.
Afterward, they went to dinner and even though they couldn’t speak the same language, she said walking down the street arm-in-arm conveyed more feelings than words ever could.
The young adoptee said she loves her parents very much, but she had “always longed for that sense of belonging.”
This story – and so many like it – tear at my heart. I can give my daughter everything – all the kisses and hugs she can stand; all the fancy dresses she insists on; all the outings to the museum, the zoo and the park; a great education; books, toys, games and dolls – I can give her everything ...except an answer. I can't give her that sense of belonging.
And unlike the Korean adoptee in the story, my child will never meet her birthmother. It is simply impossible. Unlike Korea, China has no record of her birthparents.
All we know is that someone - maybe her birthmother, maybe someone else - left Piper at the gates of an office building when she was one day old. They didn't leave a note. They didn't leave any information. They simply disappeared.
Finding birthparents with any information is difficult. With no information, it's basically impossible. The simple fact is, we will never know who Piper's birthparents are.
At this point, Piper hasn’t expressed much interest in her birthparents. It’s still a very foreign concept to her – no pun intended. I’m sure as she gets older, she’ll have questions and begin to wonder what most adoptees wonder: what does my birthmother look like? Does she have my eyes? Does she have my mouth? Where did I come from? Where do I belong?
And no matter what I do, no matter how much love I give her…I can never fill in those blanks. And I will always wonder whose heart will ache more because of this – hers or mine?